Jokes

A Patient Grandpa

I was walking through the local supermarket the other day when I saw a grandfather walking around with his 2-year-old grandson. It was obvious that the grandpa wasn't having an easy time of it, with the siren-like voice of his cherished youngling scaling upwards every time candy or toys came into view.

The grandfather, however, kept his cool, and intoned softly to the child: "Chaim, relax, it won't take long." When the screaming didn't stop, the grandpa continued: "Chaim, there's no reason to get angry, try to enjoy this walk and in a minute we'll be on the way home, promise."

When I came out of the store I saw them in the parking lot, the child screaming and the older man still talking softly and quietly to him. I couldn't help myself. I walked over to him.

"Sir," I said, "I have to say you are an amazing grandfather. The way you talk to the boy and keep your calm despite all of this screaming - Chaim a lucky kid to have a grandpa like you."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm Chaim. This little kid’s name is Shloimie."

Wearing the Pants

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”

The third fellow says, “Թ’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “Wow! What happened then?” they asked.

The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, “She said, ‘Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.’”

Mechanic vs. Cardiologist

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doctor, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and said, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

So how come I make $80,000 a year, a pretty small salary, and you earn a hefty $460,000 when you and I are basically doing the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running!"

Chanukah Gift

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Chanukah.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his says, “Թ thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”

“She did,” he replies. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”