Bashert
When making hishtadlus for shidduchim, it is important to remember that it is just to perform the obligation of hishtadlus, but the shidduch is from Hashem. Nothing the person does can change the shidduch that was destined to be.
The Brisker Rav zt'l said that even hishtadlus isn't needed. There is an obligation to make hishtadlus for parnassah, as it states (Bereishis 3:19) לֶחֶם תֹּאכַל אַפ ֶּיךָ בְּזֵעַת, "By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread." For health and for other matters, there is an obligation to make hishtadlus. However, when it comes to shidduchim, it states (Mishlei 19:14), והון בית משכלת אשה 'ומה אבות נחלת, "A house and wealth are the parents' inheritance, but an intelligent woman is from Hashem.'" The Brisker Rav concludes, "Perhaps you will ask why I go to shadchanim and why I make hishtadlus for shidduchim for my children? Really, there is no reason, but I do it to calm my nerves."
The Vilna Gaon (פקודי 'פ אור יהל) "There is no reason for the toil people do for shidduchim, because everything is from Hashem."
The Chazon Ish (Maasei Ish vol.1, 212) teaches that although Hashem leads the world in concealed ways, there is one place where Hashem allowed it to remain clear that everything is from Him, and that is in the realm of shidduchim. Great wonders occur. People move from one place to another, all so that shidduchim can transpire. It is clearly seen that משכלת אשה 'מה, that shidduchim are arranged by Hashem, and there is no hester panim (concealment of Hashem's hashgachah) at all.
Tzaddikim say (חסידים ספרק בשם א"קי עמוד ח"להגר שיחה בדרך ועוד) that sometimes Hakadosh Baruch Hu brings a war to the world so a shidduch can take place.
Several miracles took place when Eliezer sought a shidduch for Yitzchak. Among the miracles were: (1) הארץ קפיצת – the earth jumped for him, and he traveled from Eretz Yisrael to Aram Naharayim in one day. (2) While Eliezer was still davening for the shidduch, Rivkah appeared. (3) The water miraculously rose to Rivkah. (4) The malach exchanged the plates so Besuel ate the poisoned food, not Eliezer. And there are other miracles.
The Chidushei HaRim zt'l says that every shidduch contains miracles. The Koziglover Gaon zt'l explains that the Satan tries to prevent shidduchim from happening because he is aware of the importance and the greatness of shidduchim. Therefore, miracles are part of the process of finding a shidduch. Miracles are needed to overcome any obstacle the Satan erects.
Chazal (Pesachim 118a) say, אדם של זיווגו קשה סוף ים כקריעת, "A person's shidduch is as difficult as the splitting of the sea." What is the connection between shidduchim and kriyas Yam Suf?
מרקחים מגדלות (the son of the Arugas HaBosem, Bishalach) explains that both happenings are salvations that come from unexpected places. When the nation stood in front of the Yam Suf and the Mitzrim were pursuing from behind, the Yidden came up with four different ways of saving themselves (see Targum Yonoson, Shemos 14:13). Some said to make a war against Mitzrayim, some said to return to Mitzrayim, but none of them imagined that the salvation would be the splitting of the sea. Yet that is how Hashem saved them. The same is with shidduchim. People have ideas of where they will find their shidduch; however, "Most of the time, the shidduch comes from a place he never imagined." Why does it have to be this way? מרקחים מגדלות explains that it is to teach the couple a lesson in parnassah. They are getting married, the yoke of parnassah is about to be on their shoulders, and they have to know that generally parnassah comes from a place least expected.
Yeshuah and Divine Help
Reishis Chachmah (Yirah 6) says that although ישועה and עזר both mean "help," there is a difference between them. עזר refers to when a person begins, and Hashem helps him. ישועה is when Hashem does everything, and on His own, brings the salvation. This is the meaning of the pasuk (Shemos 14:13) וַיֹּאמֶר יַעֲשֶׂה ֶׁראֲש 'ה יְשׁוּעַת אֶת וּרְ אוּ הִת ְ יַצְּ בוּ תִּיר ָאוּ אַל הָעָם אֶל ֶׁהמֹש ה ַיּוֹם לָכֶם, "Moshe said to the nation, 'Do not fear. Stand fast and see the salvation (yeshuah) of Hashem that He will perform for you today.'"
Moshe told the nation that there would be a ישועה from a place that you didn't imagine, coming from a place entirely unexpected. This is also the meaning of the pasuk that follows, (14:14) תַּח ֲרִשׁוּן וְאַת ֶּם לָכֶם יִלָּחֵם 'ה, "Hashem shall make war for you, and you shall remain silent." מרקחים מגדלות writes, "I heard that ילחם is from the word לחם, bread, and alludes to parnassah. This means Hashem will give you parnassah, and you are silent, because the parnassah will come from a place you didn't think of at all."
