11. The Gemara (Sotah 2.) says, "Forty days before a child is formed [in the womb], a bas kol comes forth and announces, 'The daughter of ploni will marry ploni.'" Reb Chaim Brisker zt'l added that not only is a shidduch bashert, but even the hour and day that the shidduch will occur is also bashert.
Tzaddikim say that it is also decreed who will be the shadchan.
People asked the Ahavas Yisrael of Vizhnitz zt'l, "Why do people say that shidduchim are from heaven? We sometimes see that a person’s enemy can ruin a good shidduch!"
The Ahavas Yisrael replied, "When a shidduch is bashert, Hashem arranges that only friends and good people are called upon to provide information about the boy or girl. And when a shidduch isn't bashert, Hashem arranges that a person’s adversaries are called upon, and they will present the information in a negative light, thereby ruining a shidduch that isn't supposed to happen."
The Shpole Zeida zt'l said, "Every person has maalos and chesronos (positive qualities and faults). When a shidduch is decreed in heaven, a wide wooden beam comes down from heaven to cover all the faults, and only the qualities are seen. When a shidduch isn't bashert, a wide wooden beam comes down from heaven and covers the qualities, exposing only the faults."
The shtar tana'im states, החתן מצד עומד, "[The father] who stands in for the chasan's side..." Rebbe Shlomke of Zvhil zt'l explained this to mean that when the shidduch happened, the father stood on the side and didn’t do anything; Hashem alone arranged the shidduch.
Hashem endows parents with the satisfying feeling as if they made the shidduch. But really, Hashem makes shidduchim alone.
A few years ago, a shidduch of an older bachur and an older girl was about to be finalized, but the mother began having doubts. The girl was a couple of years older than her son, and she had older single siblings. She knew this before, but now she was worrying about it. "I know that the older siblings will give her permission to marry before them, but there might be hakpados and hard feelings, and I don't want our son marrying under such circumstances."
The girl didn't know about it. She was expecting to get engaged motzei Shabbos, but the boy's family was considering breaking off the shidduch.
What did Hakadosh Baruch Hu do?
Friday night, the boy’s father came home from the beis medresh with a "Torah sheet." The sheet addressed precisely the two issues the mother was concerned about. The writer wrote that a girl being older than a boy isn't a reason not to do a shidduch, and older single siblings are also not a valid reason to avoid doing a shidduch.
Motzei Shabbos was the vort. The kallah didn't even know that the shidduch almost fell through, and that it was saved through siyata dishmaya over Shabbos.
Now, the author of this Torah sheet didn't know there was a family that needed to read these ideas. In fact, when he wrote the paper, the families were planning to finalize the shidduch. But Hashem caused it to be written, so that the destined shidduch would transpire.
We say in the Sheva Brachos, מקדם עדן בגן יצירך כשמחך האהובים רעים תשמח שמח. In this brachah, we ask Hashem to gladden the new couple as Hashem made Adam and Chavah happy in Gan Eden. What was unique about Adam and Chavah’s joy in Gan Eden? Adam and Chavah knew they were meant for one another because there was no one else in the world to marry. We bless the chasan and kallah that they should also know that they were meant for one another, and there was no one else to marry because Hashem makes shidduchim, and He put them together.
An engagement celebration is called a vort, which is the translation of דבר. This is hinting at Lavan and Besuel's recognition that הדבר יצא 'מה, the shidduch is from Hashem.
It states (Bereishis 18:14) דבר 'מה היפלא, which can be translated as, "Is it too hard for Hashem to make a shidduch? Shidduchim are from Hashem, and Hashem can do everything.
12. At the top of the shtar tana'im it states, 'מה רצון ויפק, which can be translated as: "Hashem took away their desire..." People search for shidduchim with a plan in mind of whom they want to marry. If their plan doesn’t fit with Hashem's plan, Hashem will רצון ויפק, take away the person's desire for a moment, make the person have a change of heart, and agree to something different than what they had planned.
For the first shidduch of history, Hashem put Adam to sleep to create Chavah. Having Adam asleep implies that to carry out a shidduch, sometimes the person's plans and ideas must be put to sleep. Only then can the shidduch happen.
The Pnei Menachem told a father who regretted a shidduch he made, "Sometimes, to enable a shidduch to occur, Hashem takes away the parents' reasoning because if the parents were to think rationally, they wouldn’t agree to the shidduch. That's what happened to you. This shidduch was destined to be, so Hashem took away your sechel for a while. You should be thankful that Hashem gave your sechel back. Would you prefer to remain without common sense forever?"
