This week's parashah deals with the parashah of shidduchim. A fundamental lesson from here is to know that shidduchim are bashert and planned from heaven. Hashem allows people to take part in the choosing of the shidduch, but Chazal reveal to us that, in truth, everything is in Hashem's hands.
At the top of the shtar tana'im it states, 'מה רצון ויפק, which can be translated as: "Hashem took away their desire..." People search for Shidduchim with a plan in mind of whom they want to marry. If their plan doesn’t fit with Hashem's plan, Hashem will רצון ויפק, take away the person's desire for a moment, make the person have a change of heart and agree to something that he generally wouldn’t have.
For the first shidduch of history, Hashem put Adam to sleep to create Chavah. Having Adam asleep implies that to carry out a shidduch, sometimes the person's plans and ideas must be put to sleep. Only then can the shidduch happen.
The Pnei Menachem told a father who regretted a shidduch he made, "Sometimes, to enable a shidduch to occur, Hashem takes away the parent's reasoning because if the parents would think rationally they wouldn’t agree to the shidduch. That's what happened to you. This shidduch was destined to be, so Hashem took away your sechel for a while. You should be thankful that Hashem gave your sechel back. Would you prefer to remain without common sense forever?"
The shtar tana'im states, החתן מצד עומד, "[The father] who stands in for the chasan's side..." Rebbe Shlomke of Zvhil zt'l explained this to mean that when the shidduch happened, the father stood on the side and didn’t do anything; Hashem alone arranged the shidduch. Hashem endows the parents with the good feeling that they made the shidduch. But really, Hashem makes shidduchim alone.
A couple of years ago, a shidduch of an older bachur and older girl was about to be finalized, but the mother began having doubts. The girl was a couple of years older than her son, and there were older siblings in the family. She knew this before, but now she was concerned about it. "I know that the older siblings will give her permission to marry before them, but there might be hakpados and bad feelings, and I don't want our son marrying under such circumstances."
The girl didn't know about it. She was expecting to get engaged motzei Shabbos, but the boy's family was considering breaking off the shidduch. What did Hakadosh Baruch Hu do? Friday night, the boy’s father came home from beis medresh with a "Torah sheet." The sheet addressed precisely the two issues the mother was concerned about. The writer explained that a girl being older than a boy isn't a reason not to do a shidduch, and older single siblings are also not a valid reason to stop a shidduch. Motzei Shabbos was the vort. The kallah didn't even know that the shidduch almost fell through, and that it was saved with siyata dishmaya over Shabbos. Now, the author of this Torah sheet didn't know there was a family who needed to read these ideas. In fact, when he wrote the paper, the families were planning to finalize the shidduch. But Hashem caused it to be written, so that the destined shidduch could transpire.
Someone told the Chazon Ish, "I have one question, but the question is as great as kriyas Yam Suf." The Chazon Ish understood that he meant that he was an older bachur and needed a shidduch, which is as difficult as kriyas Yam Suf. The Chazon Ish told him, "In the end, the sea split. Don't worry. Your question will be answered, too. "
An older bachur of twenty-eight told the Chazon Ish that he was worried because he hadn't found his shidduch yet. The Chazon Ish asked him, "How many shidduchim do you need?" He replied, "One." The Chazon Ish told him, "Don't worry. One you will find."
We say in the Sheva Brachos, תשמח שמח מקדם עדן בגן יצירך כשמחך האהובים רעים. In this brachah, we ask Hashem to make the new couple happy as Hashem made Adam and Chavah happy in Gan Eden. What was unique about Adam and Chavah’s joy in Gan Eden? Adam and Chavah knew they were meant for one another because there was no one else in the world to marry. We bless the chasan and kallah that they should also know that they were meant for one another, and there was no one else to marry because Hashem makes shidduchim, and He put them together.
An engagement celebration is called a vort, which is the translation of דבר. This is hinting to Lavan and Besuel's recognition that הדבר יצא 'מה, the shidduch is from Hashem. It states (Bereishis 18:14) דבר 'מה היפלא, which can be translated as, "Is it too hard for Hashem to make a shidduch? Shidduchim are from Hashem, and there is nothing that Hashem can't do.
The Skulener Rebbe zt'l told an older bachur, "You are already a chasan because your bride was chosen forty days before you were formed. Only you don't know who it is. But you are a chasan. All you need to do is daven that Hashem opens your eyes and reveal to you with whom you are engaged."
