Become a Shadchan
This week, we read about Eliezer, the first shadchan, who went to find a shidduch for Yitzchak. Therefore, this week is an opportune time to discuss the precious mitzvah of being a shadchan. Even if it isn't one's profession, and he is occupied with other matters, he can find time and opportunities to be involved in this great mitzvah, in his own way, as we will explain.
Targum Yonoson (Devarim 34:6) writes, "Bless the name of the Master of the World Who taught us the correct ways, and he taught us to dress those who need clothes, as Hashem dressed Adam and Chava, and He taught us to make shidduchim... as Hashem made a shidduch for Chavah." As it states (Bereishis 2:22) הָאָדָם אֶל ָוַיְבִאֶה, "He brought her to Adam." This means that Hashem made Chavah’s shidduch.
The Gemara (Brachos 61a) states, "The Torah teaches us derech eretz that one should try to help people get married".
The Chasam Sofer helped two orphans get engaged, and he was occupied with this mitzvah on erev yom Kippur. He didn't want to push it off until after Yom Kippur because he wanted to come to Yom Kippur with this exceptional merit.
Hakadosh Baruch Hu is indeed the shadchan, as Chazal learn from the pasuk לאיש אשה 'מה, and shidduchim occur at the time that Hashem planned it, and this must remain in the minds of singles and their parents. Nevertheless, we are obligated to take action to help our fellow man.
The brachos of birkas hashachar are recited in plural tense, such as אסורים מתיר ...עורים פוקח, and so on. But the brachah of צרכי כל לי שעשה, praising Hashem for "giving me all my needs," is said in the singular tense. We don't say צרכינו כל לנו שעשה that Hashem gave us all our deeds. Reb Moshe Leib Sassover explains that when it comes to one's own needs, one should focus on the emunah that Hashem takes care of him, and he has everything he needs. But when we think about our fellow men, we should think about what they are lacking and try to help them.
It states (Mishlei 16:4) לַמַּע ֲנֵהוּ 'ה פָּעַל כֹּל, "Everything Hashem made, [Hashem made it] for His sake." Yosher Divrei Emes (end of Shemos) asks, if so, why did Hashem create apikorsus, heresy? How can such attitudes and beliefs increase Hashem's honor? He replies that when a poor person comes to you, pleading for help, at this time, don't say, "This is bashert. Hashem chose that you should be poor. Accept your portion with love." Instead, now you should use the attitude of apikorsus. You should think that it isn’t good that he is poor, and you must help him from his tzaros. Also, you should think that if you don't help him, no one can help him. This isn't a time for bitachon, to trust that Hashem will help him. Hashem created the attitude of apikorsus specifically for such times.
The Chazon Ish and Reb Shlomo Hershler were once occupied in arranging a shidduch. The Chazon Ish told him, "Let's busy ourselves with what the Eibershter is busy with." (Maaseh Ish vol.2 p.203) Similarly, the Chazon Ish once told Reb Elazar Turchin zt'l, "Let's do what Hashem does, because Chazal say that Hakadosh Baruch Hu makes shidduchim."
The Lev Simchah of Gur zt'l would give money to shadchanim and ask them to help older bachurim find their bashert. He said that this is included in the statement of Chazal ורביה בפריה עסקת, "Did you occupy yourself with the mitzvah of bearing children?"
Similarly, the Gemara (Shabbos 31a) states that when one is brought to the judgment in heaven, he is asked whether ורביה בפריה עסקת, and the Maharshah explains that included in this question is whether he helped orphans marry. "Orphans" is merely an example, because every attempt to make a shidduch is included in the mitzvah of ורביה פריה, to bear children.
Many precious segulos and yeshuos come from being occupied in making shidduchim. Reb Moshe Shternbuch Shlita (in his sefer Biurim v'Hanhagos) writes that he heard from the Belzer Rav zt'l that helping others with shidduchim is mesugal that your children will be good and erlich.
Helping others find a shidduch is also mesugal that it will be easier for you to find shidduchim for your children. Reb Noson Lubart zt'l (עוז שארית) quotes the pasuk of this week's parashah (24:62) לַחַי בְּאֵר מ ִבּוֹא בָּא וְיִצְחָק רֹאִי, "Yitzchak came from Be'er Lachai Ro'i," and Rashi writes that he had gone there to bring back Hagar to Avraham to remarry. Immediately afterwards, it states, ִיםבָּא גְמ ַלִּים וְה ִנֵּה, "camels were coming," with Rivkah,
When one is occupied in making shidduchim, he performs several mitzvos:
- Some write (Shulchan HaEzer 3, Shu"t Radvaz vol.1 61) that the shadchan performs the mitzvah of בו ולדבקה, to connect with Hashem, and also the mitzvah of בדרכיו והלכת, to go in Hashem's ways. This is because Chazal say רחום אתה אף רחום הוא מה, just as Hashem is compassionate, so shall you be compassionate. Similarly, we can say that just as Hashem makes shidduchim, we should also make shidduchim. As is known from the Midrash, Reb Yosi ben Chalafta said that from the time Hashem created the world until today, Hakodosh Baruch Hu is occupied with making shidduchim.
