The Arugas HaBosem explains the pasuk (Yirmiyahu 17:7) מבטחו 'ה והיה 'בה יבטח אשר הגבר ברוך, "Blessed is the man who trusts in Hashem, and Hashem shall be his trust." This tells us that the true bitachon is to trust entirely on Hashem and not to think that his hishtadlus helped at all.
Bitachon for Shidduchim
It is repeated in the name of the Brisker Rav zt'l that when it comes to all matters of the world, one must do hishtadlus. For example, for parnassah, the Torah says (Bereishis 3:19) לחם תאכל אפיך בזעת, "With the sweat of your brow you shall eat bread." And for refuah, one has to go to a doctor, and so on. But when it comes to shidduchim, hishtadlus isn't needed. One doesn’t have to rush from one shadchan to the next one because אשה 'מה לאיש, Hashem arranges shidduchim. All that a person has to do is to raise his eyes to Hashem in heaven, for He is the true shadchan, and there is no other.
The Brisker Rav concluded, "So if you will ask me why I go to shadchanim and why I make hishtadlus for my children to get married, it is to calm my nerves, but really, it isn't needed."
The Vilna Gaon (quoted in אור יהל) said, הוא שוא 'ה מאת הוא שהכל ,הזיווג בענין אדם בני עסק, "It is foolish the toil (hishtadlus) of people when it comes to shidduchim, because everything is from Hashem."
When Avraham sent Eliezer to find a shidduch for Yitzchak, he said to Eliezer (24:7) אשה ולקחת לפניך מלאכו ישלח הוא ...השמים אלקי 'ה משם לבני, "Hashem, the G-d of the heavens... He will send His angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there." Notice the word לפניך, "before you". The malach will go before Eliezer, showing him the way. Eliezer repeated what Avraham had said to Lavan and Besuel, but he repeated it slightly differently. He said, (24:40) ולקחת דרכך והצליח אתך מלאכו ישלח לפניו התהלכתי אשר 'ה לבני אשה, "Hashem, before Whom I walked, will send His angel with you and make your way prosper, and you shall take a wife for my son..." This time, it states אתך, that the malach will go "with you". It doesn't state that the malach will go before you!
This is because Lavan and Besuel didn’t understand that Hashem does everything. They thought that Hashem only helps. Therefore, Eliezer spoke to them on the level they could comprehend. He reported that Avraham told him that Hashem would go אתך, with him. Hashem would help him find the shidduch, but Eliezer would also need to do his part. However, Avraham told Eliezer the truth: Hashem will send His malach before him and direct him on the path. Everything is from Hashem, entirely, and not from his hishtadlus.
This reminds us of the renowned story of a person who spoke at the final sheva brachos of his youngest child. He had a large family of fifteen children, who were all married. At the final sheva brachos, he wanted to express his joy that he reached this stage. But when he stood up to speak, he said something so unusual and surprising that his children were embarrassed and wanted to stop him from speaking. This is how he began his drashah:
"I married off fifteen of my children, and Hashem didn't help me at all!"
His children thought their father had lost his mind! (They thought that perhaps due to the debts of all the chasunos or because of some other trauma, he lost his sanity). They stood up to stop him, but their father immediately explained: "Hashem didn't help me. He did everything!"
Washing the Feet: The Symbolism of Hishtadlus
Rashi (24:42) writes, לפני אבות עבדי של שיחתן יפה כפולה אליעזר של פרשה שהרי ,בנים של מתורתן המקום ברמיזה אלא נתנו לא תורה גופי והרבה ,בתורה, "The conversations of the servants of the Avos are more beloved before Hashem than the Torah of their children. For the parashah of Eliezer is written twice in the Torah, whereas many fundamentals of the Torah were given only through allusions."
This Chazal is renowned, but there is another similar phrase from Chazal, which is less known. It states in this week's parashah (24:32) האנשים ורגלי רגליו לרחץ ומים ...ויתן הביתה האיש ויבא אתו אשר, "And the man came to the house... and he gave... water to wash his feet and the feet of the men who were with him." The Midrash (Bereishis Rabba 60:8) writes, עבדי רחיצת יפה בנים של מתורתן המקום לפני אבות, "It is better before Hashem the washing of the slaves' [feet] than the Torah of the [avos's] children."
What is the significance of washing the feet? The concept of washing feet is also mentioned when Avraham brought in guests (beginning of וירא). It states there (18:4) מעט נא יוקח רגליכם ורחצו מים, "Please let a little water be taken, and bathe your feet."
Rashi writes that Avraham thought the malachim were Arabs merchants who bowed down to שברגליהם אבק, the dust on their feet, so he was cautious to wash their feet, to remove the dust, that was avodah zarah.
The Divrei Yechezkel zt'l asks, what type of avodah zarah is this? We never heard that people worship the dust of their feet! He explains that it means they believed in their hishtadlus, which is equivalent to bowing down to the dust. The Arab merchants would think, "Because I went here or there, I made money. It is good that I decided to go there." They attributed their success to their feet, to their hishtadlus, and not to Hashem who does everything.
Avraham would make sure to wash their feet. He didn't permit this avodah zarah to enter his home because we must believe that parnassah is from Hashem, not our hishtadlus.
The Arugas HaBosem also explains that the avodah zarah that is mentioned here is the belief in hishtadlus, however, he explains שברגליהם אבק "the dust of the feet" a different way. He says that רגלי doesn't only mean "feet." It also means one's hishtadlus for parnassah (see Bereishis 33:14, המלאכה לרגל). And the word אבק, dust, is used in halachah and Chazal to describe a slight transgression, not the primary transgression. For example, there is the concept of הרע לשון אבק, the dust of lashon hara. It isn't actual lashon hara, but it is dust, a sub-category of lashon hara of a lesser severity. Another example is ריבית אבק, the dust of ribis. The Arugas HaBosem explains that there is also זרה עבודה אבק, the dust of avodah zarah. It isn't the primary aveirah but a sub-category of avodah zara of a lesser severity. An example of זרה עבודה אבק, says the Arugas HaBosem, is when one thinks that his hishtadlus brings him his wealth. Avraham would wash שברגליהם אבק, the slight avodah zarah of believing in hishtadlus.
