What kind of lowlife would not see to the appropriate burial of his wife upon her passing? Any decent human being would do no less. There are so many examples and Medrashim that could have been cited to demonstrate Avraham’s attribute of chessed! Consider the great hospitality he provided for the three visitors that came in the heat of the day after he had just undergone bris milah at an advanced age. What is the interpretation of this Medrash?
R' Mordechai Druk (Dorash Mordechai) explains: The Torah is trying to teach us a very important lesson that is unfortunately lost on many people: There are people in society who are the nicest people in the world. They would give you the shirt off their back. They do this for everyone else, except for their own family members. On the outside, they will fix your flat tire. They will do literally anything for you. But at home, they won’t take out the garbage. They won’t wash the dishes. They won’t vacuum when their wife is having a hard day. The Torah is saying that even though we all know that Avraham Avinu was a great ba’al chessed, what really counts to Hashem more than anything else is how he treated his wife. It is the old maxim—charity begins at home.
Rav Chaim Vital writes: There are people who do chessed with all other types of people, however they do not do favors for their wives and family members. They are confident that when they come up to Heaven, the Gates of Gan Eden will open wide for them. Woe is to them and woe is to their souls, for they do not know and they do not understand that all their acts of kindness are hevel u’reus ruach [nothingness and evil spirit]. First and foremost, a person must do chessed with his wife and children. ‘Your own poor take precedence.’ Only after charity has begun at home do the good deeds that a person has done for others count.
That is why this Medrash portrays the prototype of the chessed of Avraham Avinu as the effort he expended in properly burying his wife. This is the most important type of chessed.
Someone once complained to Rav Shach: “No matter whether Shabbos starts at 4 PM or 8 PM, my wife is never ready. The house is always a turmoil those last twenty minutes before Shabbos. “She always is just barely able to bentch licht [light candles] on time” he complained. Rav Schach responded, “Take the broom and sweep yourself! Help your wife!” (R’ Frand)
