Let’s step back and get back on track...think about what Hashem really wants from us. We all feel that chesed is the key. The Torah bonds us with our Creator, and we must reflect His attributes. Just as Hashem is merciful and caring, we must be just as caring to those around us. These actions and emotions will give us the protection we seek. If we are to truly absorb the essence of the Torah, we must make chessed at home not just a priority for us, but our guiding light.
When Avrohom Avinu, the progenitor of chessed in the world, was looking for a wife for his only son, the marching orders he gave the shadchan, Eliezer, was to look for a kind and giving wife. Only through such a forebear would the DNA of the Jewish nation be formed. We are different from the nations and hence, our priorities mirror this difference.
The Chofetz Chaim wonders, why does the Torah repeat the story of Eliezer and his search for a wife for Yitzchok, three times, while so many halachos are only hinted at in the Torah, by the exclusion or inclusion of one little letter? What is the message here? Our saintly sage the Chofetz Chaim tells us that issur or heter – being allowed to do something or not – may be learned through a hint. Its message is heard clearly. Halacha cuts through to our essence and resonates within our soul. But appreciating the importance of good middos and developing a heart that cares – these lessons need to be constantly repeated, like a medicine that must be taken multiple times until it cures. Chessed can truly change who we are, but it must be absorbed internally.
That is why chessed always starts at home, through our daily interaction with our spouse and children. Home is where we perfect our chessed by repeatedly performing acts of loving kindness with those who are nearest and dearest to us. It’s a daily test, a daily exercise–and if you don’t get it right, don’t be so discouraged – there’s always tomorrow.
We must constantly ask ourselves, “Did I act well at home today? When I had the chance to, did I smile and listen to my children? Did I listen non-judgmentally, and try to really feel what they are saying and what is bothering them – rather than trying to “fix it” for them? Did I hug them enough, and maybe take the time to play a game with them (with my phone turned off)? Did I show appreciation to my spouse for all they are doing for me?” If not, don’t despair... there’s a new opportunity for praise every day, every minute – jump right in!
These questions pose a most important test, but the right answers bring us giant rewards; a healthy and loving atmosphere in our homes and the zechusim we need in this world today to protect ourselves and defeat all enemies.
Good Shabbos!
Chessed Starts at Home
Written by R’ Avrohom Hillel Reich based on a lesson and story by Harav Ben Tziyon Sneh Shlita
