Question: Everywhere the conversations are about the war. Whether at kiddush in shul, the Shabbat table, Whatsapp groups, friends, family, I can’t get away from it. Personally, I feel it is depressing. But, people don’t seem to want to change the subject!
Answer: Your feelings are definitely understandable. These conversations can be difficult. At the same time, we are still feeling the effects on an extremely horrendous experience. We are, in many ways, a nation in trauma.
Emotional trauma results from stressful events that break one’s sense of security, Any incident that evokes strong negative emotions can be traumatic, whether it is witnessing, being informed or being involved in a traumatic event. As a result of emotional trauma, people often have painful emotions, memories, and anxiety.
It is written in the text HaYom Yom for the 25th of Sivan, “It is written (Mishlei 12:25): ‘If there is worry in a man’s heart, he should minimize it (yashchenah).’ Our Sages interpret this in two ways: (a) he should take his mind off it (yasichenah, spelled with the letter samech), or (b) he should relate it to others (yesichenah, spelled with the letter sin). On this the Rebbe the Tzemach Tzedek commented that “others” refers to people who are only physically separate from the speaker, but are united with him in spirit, sensitive to his concerns.”
People share in different ways. Some speak about their feelings, share events, express their opinion, give a Torah insight, post on social media or just simply cry. Through sharing we release, process and make sense of the powerful emotions and pain. By being cognizant of this need, by understanding and empathizing with our fellow, “united with him in spirit”, we are giving to the cause, helping each other to heal.
At the same time, taking concrete action not only helps to heal from trauma, but provides valuable assistance to those in need of aid. A simple question such as, “what do you think we can do to help,” will usually shift the conversation and illicit many creative responses. People want to give, but sometimes need a bit of a push.
While we might not all be fighting on the front lines of battle, we are all soldiers, contributing where ever we can to the war effort. This is a battle with many fronts - military, media, social services, spiritual, physical and emotional healing, monetary, psychological, etc.
In conclusion: we do need to be sensitive of the need to share and be there for our fellow. Yet, we should also encourage people to take action and help in ways they are able.
Aharon Schmidt - marriage & individual counseling; [email protected]
