When in doubt of Yiras Shamayim and true desire to learn, best is to not hurry, rather wait and see; Discontinue meeting, at least frequently, in the interim
By the Grace of G-d
12th of Teveth, 5715
Brooklyn, N.Y.
Blessing and Greeting:
I received your letter of 4th of Teveth, and inasmuch as you write that you are in a state of anxiety and desperation, I am replying to you out of turn, giving it priority.
Your problem, as you describe it, is: you have met a boy nearly a year ago, and you have become attracted to each other, but you have doubts in your mind whether he is sufficiently a talmid-chochom to consider him a suitable match for a Shidduch; and although you have been instrumental in his beginning to apply himself to study, you are not sure whether his interest in learning would be lasting.
You do not mention your respective ages, nor whether you are thinking in terms of an early marriage or later on. I assume, however, that there is no great hurry.
While the importance of marrying a talmid-chochom should not be minimized, it is even more important to consider the state of Yiras-shomaim and the extent of the desire to learn, since we have the assurance of our Sages — yogaato umotaoso. Therefore, my suggestion is to see how earnestly he means in applying himself to study and in the meantime to wait with a decision in the matter. If it would turn out that he is doing it earnestly, with diligence and devotion, you can then decide in favor of it, and may it be in a happy and auspicious hour.
As for your question, if you should keep on meeting in the interim, my answer is that since such meetings would put both of you under obligation, it would be wiser for some time to discontinue meeting altogether, or at least infrequently. This would further help to clarify how serious he is about his learning Torah.
In view of the fact that you acted as counsellor in the summer, I trust you continue your good work in the winter to use your good influence for yiddishkeit and Yiras-shomaim. Such work being the channel to receive G-d’s blessings personally.
With blessing,
