Humor

A man & his wife visit Israel for their holiday. After a few days seeing all the sights, his wife suddenly collapses & dies of a heart attack. At the morgue he gets 2 options with what to do with his wife’s dead body. The undertaker said for $500 we can have her buried here in a coffin. Or the 2nd option is for $2,000 we can have her cremated & you can take the ashes home with you. The husband thinks about it & says: ‘I will take the cremation option for my wife for $2,000’. The undertaker says: ‘Fine, that will be done’. ‘But tell me, why did you take the more expensive option for $,2000, when you could have buried her here for only $200’? The husband said:’ Well, I heard a long time ago of someone who was buried in this same area & rose from the ground 3 days later. I just didn’t want to take that chance’

A recently widowed woman is be-grieving her recently deceased husband. The mortician asked: “Ma'am, is there anything I can do for you?” The wife says: “ My husband ALWAYS wanted to be buried in blue suit, and you have him in black.” The mortician says: “Well ma'am, you see,' black is all we have.” It's traditional wear, for the dearly departed. It represents the loss, and emptiness we feel. But, I'll do what I can. The widow thanks the mortician and leaves. The following Friday, the widow returns to the mortuary, to view her husband one last time before his funeral Saturday. The mortician directs her behind a drape and she sees her husband in a beautiful blue suit. She was awed by what she saw. “Oh that's just lovely! However did you do it?” The mortician replies: “Well after you left Wednesday,' they brought in another man, who was about the same size, weight, and flesh tone of your husband. His widow, was grieving the fact that her husband was wearing a blue suit, and that he wanted to be buried in a black suit.’” “Well, after she left,'’ It was just a matter of switching the heads.’”

It was late at night, clouds covered the moon, and a man staggering home from the bar decided to cut across a cemetery to reach his house. As he stumbled through the darkness, he tumbled into a freshly dug grave. He clawed at the soil, trying to haul himself out, but kept falling back. As he stepped back to try again, a voice behind him said. “Save yourself the trouble. I’ve been trying the same thing for hours. You’ll never get out.” He did.

This isn’t a joke, it’s a historical incident that makes me laugh. William the Conqueror died in 1087. He was a large man for his time, tall and probably obese. His body was put in a coffin and moved around Normandy for a while, waiting for dignitaries to gather and decide where William’s final resting place should be. He was to be buried under the floor of a church, as was common for kings and bishops back then. Might I add that William died in late summer and techniques to preserve a body weren’t advanced in those days. So at the funeral, as they picked up William’s coffin to lower it into the grave, the bottom fell out of the coffin, William’s bloated body burst, and a hideous stench caused many of the lords and ladies in attendance to run from the chapel with hands over mouths. That’s the reason that all English monarchs since, including the late Elizabeth II, have been buried in lead coffins that won’t fall apart.