IMPROPER REQUESTS
בראשית פרק כד, יד וְהָיָה הַנַעֲרָ אֲשֶׁר אֹמַר אֵלֶׁיהָ הַטִּ י -נָא כַדֵךְ וְאֶׁשְ תֶׁה וְאָמְ רָ ה שְ תֵה וְגַם-גְמַלֶׁיךָ אַשְ קֶׁה אֹתָהּ הֹכַחְ תָ לְעַבְ דְ ךָ לְיִּצְ חָק
מסכת תענית ד/א א"ר שמואל בר נחמני אמר רבי יונתן שלשה שאלו שלא כהוגן לשנים השיבוהו כהוגן לאחד השיבוהו שלא כהוגן ואלו הן אליעזר עבד אברהם ושאול בן קיש ויפתח הגלעד י
Various historical incidents exist where requests of HaShem were made improperly and how HaShem responded. The Gemara discusses the proper and improper ways to make a request:
- Three people made a request in an improper manner.
- Two were answered in a proper manner, and one was answered in an improper manner.
Eliezer the servant of Avrohom asked in an improper manner, when he prayed to HaShem for a wife for Yitzchak, because he prayed that whoever offered him and his camels, water would be the wife for Yitzchak, implying even a lame or blind girl?!?! Nevertheless, he was answered properly and Rivkah was sent to him.
King Shaul asked improperly when he offered his daughter in marriage to whoever killed Golis which implied even a slave or a Mamzer. Nevertheless, HaShem answered and Dovid came his way.
Yiftach made an improper request when he made an oath to bring as a Korban whatever came through the door first, implying even something unclean like a dog or pig. He was answered improperly as well because his own daughter was sent his way. HaShem was not happy and did not want Yiftach’s daughter as a Korban.
Eliezer and Shaul also asked improperly. Why were they fortunate and why was Yiftach struck with tragedy?
אִּ יש כִּי-יִּדֹר נֶׁדֶׁר לַ ה' אוֹ-הִּ שָ בַע שְ בֻעָה לֶׁאְ סֹר אִּ סָר עַל-נַפְשוֹ לֹא יַחֵל דְ בָרוֹ כְכָל-הַיֹצֵא מִּ פִּ יו יַעֲשֶׁה (במדבר ל,ג) אולשפתח יליעזר אאיש =
When a person makes a request (even improperly) if it is done for HaShem (like Eliezer or Shaul) then one is answered. However, if not asked properly for their own sake (like Yiftach) then held accountable for the words that come out of one’s mouth.
Torah Temimah: The implication is that one should not rely on a miracle. When one prays, one must request in a clear and distinct manner. Yiftach made a request from G-d (not in a clear manner) and said if completed, then he would offer to G-d the first item that he encountered when he arrived at home (first one out was his daughter). Additionally, Eliezer and Yiftach conditioned their requests, and thus, were considered as if they established a sign (siman) in their request, and thus, allowed possible improper consequences.
The Beis Av says that the common denominator of Eliezer and Shaul was that their requests all involved Shidduchim, marriages. When it comes to finding a proper mate, that is one area regarding which a person can legitimately say "HaShem -- take care of me!" The rule is that this comes from the Hand of G-d [Yalkut Shimoni 117]. Regarding Shidduchim one is allowed to play with Providence and rely on G-d's intervention. Yiftach's pledge had nothing to do with a shidduch. When one utters an irresponsible pledge like that, anything can happen.
Another answer could be that the first two requests related to a need of the individual while the last one was meant to be a repayment of sorts to HaShem. Let us explain this a bit further. When Eliezer and Shaul Hamelech made their requests, even though they should have thought through the situation better and verbalize their requests in the proper way, both of them had complete trust in HaShem that He would supply for them exactly what they needed. It is for this reason that HaShem supplied for them exactly what they were really expecting.
Yiftach on the other hand was making a promise to HaShem to bring as a sacrifice the first thing that came out of his house. The reason this request was not answered “properly” is that Yiftach was not requesting anything from HaShem and putting his faith in HaShem that he would get a good result, rather he was trying to thank HaShem for helping him defeat his enemies and by not thinking through what he said showed that on some level he did not fully appreciate what HaShem did for him and how a person must really thank HaShem.
There are three lessons we can learn from this Gemara. The first one is that a person before speaking should think about what they are about to say. The second idea is that a person should have complete faith in HaShem that He will help find his way. All that one has to do is ask. The third idea is that a person must fully appreciate what it is HaShem does for us on a constant basis and what kind of thanks we constantly need to express to HaShem both through our prayers and the way we live our lives.
