Is There a Problem for a Chosan to Give Mishloach Manos to His Kallah

Is There a Problem for a Chosan to Give Mishloach Manos to His Kallah?

Question:

Is it permissible for a chosan to send mishlo’ach manos to his kallah? Potentially, there are three issues involved in doing so:

1. The concern of the Gemara in Kiddushin (50b) of חוששין לסבלונות, that we are concerned that perhaps the gifts are being given for the sake of kiddushin. This is ruled in Shulchan Aruch and Rema (Even HaEzer 45:2), however, perhaps we can rely on the Gemara which says: דבאתרא דמסבלי והדר מקדשי אין לחוש לסבלונות – “in a place where they first send gifts and then perform kiddushin, there is no concern”, and perhaps nowadays our towns have such a status.
2. The Rema brings down a special din (דין מיוחד) in Hilchos Mishlo’ach Manos (Orach Chaim 695:4) that a woman can send mishlo’ach manos to a woman, and a man can send to a man, however, men shouldn’t sent to women, or vice versa, as this could lead to a man sending to a widow and it could lead to a sofek kiddushin [a case of a doubt if there is kiddushin or not]. The Mishnah Berurah (s.k. 26) explains: That if one sends mishlo’ach manos to a widow, people will start saying that they already performed kiddushin earlier and these are the gifts being given after kiddushin.
3. חשש שאלת שלום לאשה – the prohibition of sending a greeting to a woman. The Teshuvas Maharil (siman 31) brought down l’halachah in the Mishnah Berurah (696:20) says, that sending someone a gift is equivalent to sending them a greeting, and the halachah is that a man shouldn’t do this to a woman. (Kuntros Ve’arastich Li L’Oilam pg. 43).

Answer:

Below we will attempt to resolve the issues mentioned above:

1. Regarding the first issue of חוששין לסבלונות, we find in Minhogei Vermisa (beginning of Vol. 2) that one should send the mishlo’ach manos via an agent and then there is no concern. The Maharam Mintz (siman 109) says that the Rav of the city or someone choshuv [prominent] should give it and he should say clearly, “it is not being given for the sake of kiddushin”. The reason it needs to be via an agent, is because the Darkei Moshe (ois 1) and Shu”t Maharit (Vol. 2 siman 29) argue on the Rema (Even HaEzer 45:2) and they maintain that even if one says explicitly that it is a gift and not for kiddushin it doesn’t help, therefore, the only solution is to send it via an agent.
2. On the other hand, from the Shulchan Aruch and Rema (Even HaEzer 45:1-2) it’s clear that if one says clearly that it is being given as a gift there is no concern, and that generally we follow the minhag of the place. The Beis Shmuel (there, s.k. 20) and Pischei Teshuvah (s.k. 3) in the name of the Shu”t Kehillos Yaakov bring that the minhag today is that we aren’t concern for sivloinus serving as kiddushin.
3. The Maharik (shoresh 171) cited in the Beis Shmuel (Even HaEzer 45:21) and Darkei Moshe says that when the minhag is to perform kiddushin and recite the birchas erusin under the chuppah, then we aren’t worried about sivloinus serving as kiddushin
4. The Aruch HaShulchan (siman 45) writes based on this, that even if the chosan says that he is sending the gifts for kiddushin he isn’t believed. See the Pischei...