The Tiferes Shlomo tells us: When a person davens for himself, he arouses Heavenly conduct of one sort, and when he davens for his fellow, he arouses Heavenly conduct of another sort—אחון, אשר את וחנותי I shall show favor when I choose to show favor. It is a different mode of Heavenly behavior entirely. The chamber that is opened in Shamayim when a person davens for his fellow is one in which they don’t examine the person’s worthiness—because he didn’t approach out of a sense of worthiness.
You have a connection to that person, because you’re both Yidden. His pain is your pain. And when a person feels the pain of another Yid, it is the closest he can come to the level of feeling the Shechinah’s pain. When a person feels his own pain, it means that he simply wants very much to be comfortable. However, when he feels the pain of another person—it is coming from the same source as feeling the pain of the Shechinah. A Yid is in pain... how can I go on as if nothing happened?! This is a wonderful and proper Yiddishe emotion—and when a person davens from such a feeling, he opens a new chamber On High, a chamber in which the מקטרגים cannot be effective.
Elevate Your Tefillah
And it’s not only tefillah that is so much more elevated when we daven for another person rather than for ourselves. When we learn Torah as a zechus for another person, or when we engage in acts of kindness for another person solely because we feel their pain—we likewise open these exalted chambers On High.
When a shadchan works on shidduchim for his fellow Yidden, not for the money, but because their pain is his pain (and we can see their pure intentions from their conduct and attitudes), these actions have the power to overcome the מקטרגים and bring about the shefah in its completeness and entirety.
