In this week’s sedrah, when we read the story of Avraham Avinu sending his loyal servant, Eliezer, to Charan to find a shidduch for Yitzchok, we are faced with a question. Maybe it doesn’t bother you, but it should; it’s an important point worth getting snagged on.
What is this whole business of sending Eliezer to a far-off country to find a wife for Yitzchok? Charan after all is in Aram Naharayim – Naharayim means the place of two rivers, between the Euphrates and the Tigris – and if you’re traveling on the ancient roads it’s more than a thousand miles from Avraham’s tent in Chevron. That’s quite a long camel trip if there are good candidates available locally.
Now anybody who learned a little bit of Chumash-Rashi, so they’ll tell you right away that Avraham had no option; he just couldn’t make a shidduch with a local Canaanite girl. Like he said about Eliezer’s daughter, “רּרוָ‡ הָּ ַ̇‡ – You are from the seed of Canaan and so you are accursed, ¿ךּרוָּב יƒנֲ‡ַו – And I’m blessed, Avraham said, “We come from the seed of Shem, the son that Noach gave a special blessing to.
“And in addition, Hashem said to me, ָך¿כ∆רָבֲ‡ַו – ‘I’ll bless you!’ So we’re doubly blessed – we’re blessed by Noach and even better, by Hashem Himself. ין≈‡¿ו ¿ךּרוָּב¿ּב ̃≈ּבַּ„¿ ̇ƒמ רּרוָ‡– And the one who is accursed cannot be joined to the one who is blessed. When it comes to the building blocks of what is going to be the future Chosen People, there can’t be a union between Shem and Canaan.”
And so you'll say that there’s no question at all. If the Canaanite girls were off limits, so Avraham therefore had to seek a girl from Shem’s family in Aram Naharayim. Where else would he find his family?
No More Chamas
The only problem is that it’s not true. Because we know that among the people who lived in Canaan, right near Avraham, was a very important personality, an old righteous sage, called Malkitzedek. You know who he was? It was Avraham’s grandfather. Because Malkitzedek wasn’t his name; he was Shem ben Noach only that he acquired that title, ̃∆„∆ˆ-יƒּכ¿לַמ – The King of Righteousness. And he and his family lived right down the road from Avraham, in ancient Yerushalayim.
What was he doing there? After the Mabul, when Shem came out of the teivah, he made up his mind that he had to do something now to make sure that such a disaster should never happen again. “I’m going to start fresh now and rebuild the world with tzedek, righteousness,” he said. “The old generations from before the Mabul, they destroyed the world by their mistakes, but we’re going to build a new community now where we won’t repeat those mistakes. No more chamas, no more injustice. From now on, only tzedek.”
And so he came to a certain place in Eretz Canaan, the site which later became Yerushalayim, and he founded a town and gave it the name Shaleim. ם≈לָׁ ̆¿ך∆ל∆מ ̃∆„∆ˆ-יƒּכ¿לַמ - He was Malkitzedek, the king of Shaleim (Chayei Sarah 14:18). Shaleim, that’s the ancient name of Yerushalayim. Yeru means ‘city’ in the ancient language; Yeru, the city, shalayim, of Shaleim.
A Very Frum City
Why Shaleim? Because it was a town that was built with one purpose in mind – shleimus, perfection. It was a community dedicated to perfection of behavior and character. Now, that’s quite an idealistic name! A remarkable thing! A small kingdom where the slogan was tzedek, righteousness.
And Malkitzedek made it his business to make it happen. In those days, the man who ruled the town was in full power – he wasn’t elected; he didn’t have to worry about getting votes – and so he saw to it that the entire town was conducted with the principles of righteousness. He had the traditions from the ancient times, from Noach. He knew the sheva mitzvos bnei Noach and all the great and true ideals that were transmitted from Adam Harishon; and so if he was in charge, we understand it was a marvelous community.
Just like when there’s someone wicked in charge, the citizens become wicked, לַﬠ יבƒׁ ̆¿ ַ̃מ ל≈ׁ ֹ̆מ ̃∆„∆ˆ רַב¿ּ„ – when there’s a righteous ruler, יוָ ̇¿רָׁ ̆¿מ לָּכ יםƒ ̃יƒּ„ַˆ – all those who serve him are righteous too (see Mishlei 29:12).
The Perfect Shidduch Resume
So we understand already what Shaleim was; it was a town of tzaddikim, an exceptional place with exceptional people from the family of Sheim. And so we come back now to our question, why didn’t Avraham make a shidduch with the family of Malkitzedek?
We know that Avraham respected him very much. He recognized him as ןֹיו¿ל∆ﬠ ל-≈‡¿ל ן≈הֹכ, a kohen of the Most High Hashem (Bereishis 14:18) it means he was dedicated to the worship of Hashem. And ֹלו ן∆ּ ̇ƒּיַו לֹּכƒמ ר≈ׂ ֲ̆ﬠַמ – Avraham gave him a tenth of all the spoils that he captured in battle, like you give to any kohen (ibid. 20).
So not only did Avraham have family right nearby but he knew that it was a family of ovdei Hashem, of good people. And so he should have made his way over to Shaleim – it was right down the road – and found a wife for Yitzchok from his own family. And you can be sure Malkitzedek would have jumped with glee at such a proposal, to marry into the family of Avraham Avinu, the יםƒ ֹ̃לו¡‡ ‡יƒׂ ̆¿נ (Chayei Sarah 23:6). And so it’s a big question. Why did he look so far away, to Charan? It’s a kasha that should puzzle us.
Too Close for Comfort
And the answer is that Avraham couldn’t afford to make a shidduch with somebody close by. He couldn’t afford to acquire a mechutan like that, because as great as Malkitzedek was, he wasn’t great enough to understand Avraham’s dedication to serving Hashem.
I’ll give an example. You remember when those wandering Arabs came by Avraham’s tent on that hot day? Remember now, Avraham was a very wealthy and powerful man, a famous man, and he’s sitting now at the door of his tent and he sees people coming. So what would we expect of such an excellent personality like Avraham Avinu? He should call out to the passersby, “Please come in. I’ll take care of you. I’ll give you whatever you need.”
Excellent! That would be excellent. But no, he didn’t do that. He jumped up and ran towards them. To run towards guests? A hundred year old man and he just had a serious procedure, an operation. Who does such a thing? To run into the street?
They weren’t even stopping at his tent; they would have kept on going. Only that Avraham didn’t let them go. He fell down on his face in the street and he begged them, רֹבֲﬠַ ̇ ‡ָנ לַ‡ – Please don’t go away, ָך∆ּ„¿בַﬠ לַﬠ≈מ – from your servant (Vayeira 18:3). He called himself their servant.
Wild Behavior
Now we are accustomed to the Chumash so we think that’s how it has to be but that’s a mistake. It’s absolutely not normal to do what Avraham did! It’s wild behavior! Wake up now! We’re talking about pre-Chumash times when we didn’t have any Rashi yet. We know that they were malachim, but Avraham didn’t know that. They were regular Arabs, traveling nomads; and he threw himself down in front of them.
How would anybody look at such a display? It’s strange. If someone is in need, alright, so you’ll offer him something. But if he’s reluctant to accept your hospitality, you have to throw yourself on the ground? You prostrate yourself and beg him to come? A fanatic; mammesh a wild man!
Imitating Hashem
But Avraham had his ideals; he knew what he was doing because he saw that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is even more fanatic. Hashem is a bigger fanatic in doing chessed. He serves food even to people who rebel against him; even to ovdei avodah zarah. People are worshiping idols, they’re bowing down to the sun; when they are finished, they take a drink of water. Who gave them that water? Hakadosh Baruch Hu. They’re spitting in His face, chas v’shalom, and it still rains; He brings down rain! People do crimes and food still grows on their farms.
And He does chessed with a measure far beyond our ability to picture. ֹוּלֻּכ םָלֹעוָה ̇∆‡ ןָּזַה – He feeds everybody, יםƒמֲחַר¿בּו „∆ס∆ח¿בּו ן≈ח¿ּב – and He does it with kindness. He delivers packages of food wrapped in beautiful red wrappers, hanging from trees, and beautiful gold wrappers hanging from trees, and beautiful yellow wrappers. Apples and oranges and bananas are packages of food that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is delivering to us. To whom? Not only to you; to everybody, all the time.
And so when Avraham was doing these things, he wasn’t doing anything extreme as far as he was concerned. In a small measure, he was trying to emulate Hakadosh Baruch Hu.
And not only in chessed. Everything Avraham did, he did it to an extreme. That’s how a tzaddik operates, he wants to serve Hashem to his utmost. A man who loves truth, when he discovers the truth so he follows it all the way. He has a feeling that stirs inside him, “I must excel in the service of Hashem. I’m only going to live once and so I’m going to go all out.”
Seeking Shleimus
Now I don’t say that I'm such a psychologist that I can analyze the mind and the feelings of Avraham Avinu. We’re talking now from an ant’s point of view but after all we have our own minds and we're mechuyav to think. And there's no question that one of the greatest forces in Avraham’s greatness was his desire to excel, to be great in service of Hashem.
Not that somebody should praise him – Avraham didn’t care for the compliments of human beings. But Avraham wanted that he should become the best possible Avraham in the Eyes of Hashem, and so it wasn’t extreme to him; it was avodas Hashem.
And not only himself; he wasn’t satisfied with that. If you look in the Chumash you'll see wherever he went ם≈ּׁ ַ̆ה ם≈ׁ ̆¿ּב ‡ָר¿ ̃ƒּיַו – he proclaimed in the name of Hashem (Bereishis 12:8). He wanted as many people as possible to be convinced of the truth that he himself had discovered. He wanted that everyone should be imbued with a keen awareness that Hakadosh Baruch Hu not only had made everything,
but that He was conducting the affairs of mankind and all the history of the world constantly. Avraham gave his life for that one purpose. Again and again the Torah tells us that's what he did. הַל ַח≈ּב¿זƒמ םָׁ ̆ ן∆בƒּיַו' – he built an altar to Hashem where people would gather, ם≈ּׁ ַ̆ה ם≈ׁ ̆¿ּב ‡ָר¿ ̃ƒּיַו – and he called out in the name of Hashem (ibid.). He spoke to people about the Creator.
No Settling for Less
Now, I'm sure Malkitzedek thought about these things a little bit too. Malkitzedek was a lamdan, a tzaddik, no question, but he didn't think about these things on the same level. If he would have seen Avraham Avinu stopping to look at a dandelion and then the next day doing it again, he would have scorned that. It’s too much. And to make lectures about it, to gather people together and tell them about apples and the Creator? No, that was too much in the eyes of Malkitzedek.
And so when it came time to find a shidduch, to bring a new mother into the home and to acquire a mechutan – a mechutan you have to know means a new relative, and a close one; you’re attached at the hip now – so Avraham Avinu was very wary.
He saw this beautiful community of Ir Hatzedek, Ir Hashalem, a city of perfection and righteousness under the rule of the kohen leKel elyon and he admired it no end. But he decided, “It’s not for me. I need more than that. And if I attach myself to them it’ll be an encumbrance on us. It’ll be a shackle on my legs because everything I do will be looked at with slanted eyes and it will make it difficult for me to move any further than I am.” And that’s why Avraham couldn’t have done it. Because he had to live his one life to its fullest and his life was built on certain principles that were far superior to what Malkitzedek could appreciate.
