One of the things we do at a Jewish wedding is called the “Badeken” [veiling of the bride]. If you have ever been by a “Badeken” you notice that the father of the Choson and the father of the Kallah bless the Kallah. What bracha [blessing] is given to the bride immediately before her Chuaph? Typically, we give the same blessing we give our daughters Friday night: May G-d make you like Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel, and Leah (the Matriarchs). However, the official bracha that a person is supposed to give by the Badeken is the pasuk from this week’s parsha: “Our sister, may you come to be thousands of myriads, and may your offspring inherit the gate of its foes.” [Bereishis 24:60]
According to Halacha, the ancient custom was not that the fathers of the Choson and Kallahgave this bracha, but that the Elders of the City (Ziknei HaIr) came and gave her this bracha. This bracha originates from the bracha Lavan gave his sister, Rivka. A person might ask—we emulate the conniving Lavan? Of all the blessings in the Torah, this is what we say to a Kallah immediately preceding her going to the Chuppah? It seems strange, to say the least!
I saw an interesting observation. Usually, when your daughter, your sister, your relative goes to the Chuppah, you are thrilled. She is now getting married! A fine family! The whole works! Lavan did not like this Shidduch—not one bit! Do you think he was happy that she was leaving? He tried to talk Eliezer out of immediately taking her back to Yitzchak. “Let the maiden remain with us days or a set of ten [months]; then she will go.” [Bereishis 24:55] Lavan was into money. He did not want his sister to marry Yitzchak, who spent his time in prayer. “I do not want my sister to become some kind of Meah Shearim Rebbetzin! I am not happy with this!”
What does Lavan do? He overcame his prejudice, his hesitancy, and he gave a bracha entirely for the sake of heaven. He said, “I may not be happy with this shidduch; and I do not like this lifestyle; and this is not what you learned in your father’s house; but I am giving you a bracha with a full heart.” – “My sister, may you become the matriarch of thousands and tens of thousands!”
Therefore, when we say those words to our daughter and/or our future daughter-in-law by the Badeken, we are not giving Lavan’s bracha. But rather, Lavan’s bracha should be an inspiration to us that the true brachais one in which the person who bestows the bracha does not expect to get anything out of it, an altruistic bracha. A bracha that is entirely for the sake of heaven. “For you—not for me. I get nothing out of this shidduch.”
Sometimes a person may think that a shidduch will be helpful for him. No! That is not what I am interested in. It is a bracha entirely for HER benefit. That is the bracha that we must give a Kallah. We are not quoting Lavan, to borrow his words; we are quoting Lavan to emulate his motivation.
