Rashi explains: “And the servant told – He revealed to him the miracles that had been performed for him: that the land had miraculously contracted before him, and that Rivkah had been brought to him in response to his prayer.”
Onkelos translates: “Yitzchak brought her into the dwelling, and he saw that her deeds were corrected and proper like the deeds of Sarah his mother, and he took Rivkah [for a wife].”
From these pesukim we learn that even though Yitzchak heard from the servant all the wondrous miracles that had accompanied this shidduch — clear and shining proofs that she was his destined mate — nevertheless, Yitzchak did not rely upon this alone. He assessed her: “And he saw that her deeds were corrected and proper like the deeds of Sarah his mother. Yitzchak did not determine the nature of the shidduch until he had observed her deeds and conduct, to see whether they were truly proper and fitting. And not merely proper — but comparable to those of his mother Sarah. Only then did he take her as his wife.
This teaches us that one should not establish the quality of a shidduch as many people do — according to “signs” and omens alone. Even if one perceives various apparent indications, the matter must be determined only through examining the person’s behavior, conduct, and character traits.
So too, it seems from the words of Rashi on this pasuk, who explains: “Into the tent of Sarah his mother — He brought her into the tent, and she became like Sarah his mother. For as long as Sarah lived, a lamp burned from one Shabbos eve to the next, blessing was found in her dough, and a cloud hovered over the tent; when she passed away, they ceased, and when Rivkah came, they returned.”
It appears that Yitzchak sought to test her conduct — not to rely upon the various miracles and wonders that accompanied the finding of the shidduch. Therefore he examined her by the berachah that entered with her into the tent: when he saw that the same berachos which had existed in Sarah’s days returned now in Rivkah’s merit, he understood that her deeds too were proper and righteous, and that she too was a tzaddekes like his mother, worthy of those same berachos.
At the beginning of the holy Tomer Devorah (ch. 1), our master the Ramak zt”l established the foundation upon which his entire work stands, and explains that man’s primary purpose in this world is to draw close to his Creator and emulate Him — to walk in His ways, as the pasuk states, to walk in all His ways (Devarim 11:22); these are the ways of Hashem and His Thirteen Attributes of Mercy — “Just as He is... so too you” (Sifrei, ad loc.).
And just as it is His nature to do good to others — for it is the nature of the good to do good — so too must we cleave to Him and bind ourselves with this Divine nature of giving. This is the root and foundation of all the 613 mitzvos of the Torah: to give of oneself, to forgo self-interest, not to take everything for oneself and think always of one’s own advantage. The more one distances himself from self-interest, the closer he comes to his Creator, resembling the formation to its Former. Conversely, the more one thinks only of what he can gain or receive, the farther he moves from his Creator and from the point of truth.
For this reason we often witness simple people — not of great Torah attainment — who are nonetheless very close to Hashem and successful in building their homes, with the Shechinah resting upon them in sublime sweetness. The dwelling of the Shechinah is measured precisely by this trait of giving — how much one gives of himself.
Hence, sometimes simple Jews who give of themselves and offer their hearts in kindness see their homes rise in splendor, more beloved before Heaven than those of Torah scholars preoccupied with their own prestige and benefit.
This, then, is the secret of the “true nature of shidduchim” and their success — as rooted in the very first shidduch told in the holy Torah. Avraham gave away everything, literally, as a gift deed; and Rivkah, for her part, came out purely for chesed ve’emes — to give rather than to take.
Experience shows that the person who gives within his home — who influences and contributes — is more respected by his wife, more beloved by his children, and more eagerly awaited, for they receive from him what they need. He thus draws nearer to Hashem and fulfills in his very
The Measure of a True Match
And the servant told Yitzchak all the things that he had done. And Yitzchak brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother, and he took Rivkah, and she became his wife; and he loved her, and Yitzchak was comforted after his mother. (Bereishis 24:66–67)
