The Shechinah Rests Upon a Married Man
Moreover, even a Torah scholar, a tzaddik, and a man with fear of Heaven who studies Torah for its own sake does not merit the resting of the Shechinah as long as he has not married.
Even Yaakov Avinu, the most complete of the Avot, whose days and nights were sanctified to the study of the holy Torah with endless toil and exertion — and about whom the Torah itself gives faithful testimony, “Yaakov was a wholesome man, dwelling in tents” (Bereishit 25:27) — even he did not merit the resting of the Shechinah until he built his home with the righteous Rachel and Leah.
This is what Rabbi Abba teaches in the holy Zohar (Vayeitzei 165a): As long as Yaakov Avinu had not married, he saw the angels only in a dream, ascending and descending the ladder. He could not see them while awake, because the Shechinah had not yet rested upon him.
But when he returned from Charan with his righteous wives and holy children, he merited that camps of angels were revealed to him while he was awake. They sought to receive from his holiness an influx of blessing for the upper worlds, as the verse states: “Yaakov went on his way, and angels of G-d encountered him. Yaakov said when he saw them, ‘This is a camp of G-d,’ and he called the name of that place Machanayim” (Bereishit 32:2–3).
This was because once he had married, the Shechinah rested upon him, and the angels above sought blessing and spiritual abundance from him. For blessing and abundance are found only with a husband and wife united as one.
The holy Rabbi Moshe Cordovero, the Ramak, writes in Tomer Devorah (chapter 9) that the necessary condition for the resting of the Shechinah is that a man marry and provide his wife with sustenance, clothing, and conjugal life. In correspondence to what he gives his wife, the holy Shechinah bestows an immense flow of blessing upon him.14
To quote his holy words:
A person must take great care to ensure that the Shechinah remains attached to him and does not separate from him.
As long as a man has not married, it is clear that the Shechinah is not with him at all, for the Shechinah rests upon a person primarily through the feminine dimension. A man stands between two feminine dimensions: the lower, physical female, who receives from him sustenance, clothing, and conjugal life; and the Shechinah above him, which rests upon him to bless him with all of these, so that he may give and continue giving to his covenantal wife.
This follows the pattern of Tiferet, which stands between two feminine dimensions: the higher mother, binah, who bestows upon him all that he needs, and the lower mother, malchut, who receives from him sustenance, clothing, and conjugal life — chesed, din, and rachamim, as is known. For the Shechinah does not come to him unless he resembles the supernal order.
Wellsprings of Wisdom
14. The following story is told about Rabbi Moshe Kliers, the rav of Tiberias.
Every year on his yahrtzeit, an elderly Jew would travel from Jerusalem to Tiberias to pray on his grave. One year, Rabbi Kliers’s grandson wondered aloud why he made such a difficult trip, and the man explained:
Many years earlier, as a young avrech, serious tension had developed between him and his wife. The arguments grew worse until he felt he needed some distance in order to think more clearly. He packed a suitcase and traveled to Tiberias, unsure whether shalom bayit could still be restored or whether separation had to be considered. After renting a small apartment, he went to pray in the central synagogue. There Rabbi Kliers greeted him warmly and asked where he was staying. The young man mentioned that he was renting an apartment, without revealing the troubles that had brought him there. Rabbi Kliers did not press him, but kindly urged him to stay in his home instead, so he and the rebbetzin could have the merit of hachnasat orchim. After some hesitation, the young man agreed.
The rav and rebbetzin received him with warmth, prepared a room for him, and served him supper. That night, after many sleepless nights, he finally slept peacefully.
The next morning, he saw Rabbi Kliers bringing the rebbetzin water to wash her hands, preparing coffee for her, arranging it on a tray with cookies, and carrying it to her room. Assuming she must be ill, the guest apologized and said he would return to his rented apartment so as not to burden them.
Rabbi Kliers smiled and explained that the rebbetzin was perfectly healthy. “I saw in the writings of the Arizal, in Sha’ar HaKavanot, that before prayer a person should accept upon himself the mitzvah of ‘Love your fellow as yourself.’ I thought: why should I search outside for someone with whom to fulfill this mitzvah? The closest and most accessible opportunity is here in my own home — by honoring and showing appreciation to my wife.”
The elderly Jew said that this living lesson changed his entire view of marriage. He immediately ended his stay in Tiberias and returned home. From that day on, he made a serious effort to honor his wife, focus on her virtues, and create an atmosphere of calm, joy, and love. And just as water reflects a face, she responded in kind, and peace returned to their home.
“From then until today,” he said, “I have remained grateful to the great rav through whom peace returned to my home. His way of life and noble middot have remained a guiding light for my life” (Umatok Ha’or — Nisuin, p. 638, by Rabbi Shlomo Levenstein).
