In the Torah portion of Chayei Sarah we read about the wedding of Yitzchak and Rivkah, the first wedding discussed explicitly in the Torah. The Torah tells us how Avraham Avinu sent his servant Eliezer to the land of his birthplace to find a wife for his son Yitzchak.
Did Eliezer Betroth Rivkah on Yitzchak’s Behalf?
Some say that Avraham also appointed Eliezer as a shaliach (agent) to betroth the bride he would find to Yitzchak. This is based on an opinion of our sages that the blessing that Lavan and his mother gave to Rivkah was the blessing of her betrothal. According to this opinion, Eliezer betrothed her to Yitzchak when he gave her the “gold nose-ring weighing a half-shekel, and two gold bands for her arms, ten shekels in weight.”
Some say that he gave the nose ring and bracelets as engagement gifts since it is inappropriate to betroth a woman before getting engaged to her (Kiddushin 12b). The gifts for betrothal (Kiddushin) were the ones given after Betuel and Lavan agreed to the match (in verse 53).
But see Moshav Zekeinim (by the authors of the Tosfot) on verse 67 who question how Yitzchak could have betrothed Rivkah without seeing her when the Talmud says (Kiddushin 41a) that it’s forbidden to betroth a woman before seeing her. Based on this, he concludes that Yitzchak only betrothed her after she was brought back.
Ten Men Present for the Bracha
Based on the above, some say that this is why he took ten men with him on this journey, in order to have them present at the time of the blessing of the betrothal.
Fasting Before the Betrothal was Finalized
Some say the reason Eliezer did not partake of any food until Betuel and Lavan agreed to the match is that he was fasting (as an agent of the bridegroom) until the betrothal was finalized.
A Child Accepting Betrothal
According to the Talmud, a young girl cannot betroth herself without her father’s consent. The Midrash says that Rivkah was three years old at the time of this story. As such, the question is raised as to how she could be betrothed without her father’s consent. This can be explained according to the Chatam Sofer that, for gentiles, the age of adulthood depends on their intellectual maturity rather than on a fixed age or on puberty. As such, since Rivkah was quite mature at the age of three, she was considered an adult.
Eliezer as an Agent to Perform the Wedding
Generally, according to halacha (Jewish law), a slave cannot be an agent for matters of marriage and divorce. As such, the commentaries offer several explanations as to how Eliezer was able to be an agent for this wedding:
Before the Torah Was Given
Some say that before the giving of the Torah, the rules of marriage and divorce were different, and a slave could be an agent for these matters.
An Extension of the Master
Others explain that while a slave cannot generally serve as an agent for marriage and divorce, he can do so for his own master as he is considered an extension of his master. This is based on the Talmudic concept that “the hand of the slave is like the hand of his master.” In this case, Eliezer was considered an extension of Avraham who was, in turn, the agent of his son Yitzchak to betroth a wife. It has also been suggested that since Avraham had given everything of his to Yitzchak, it was Yitzchak who was the owner of Eliezer and, as such, Eliezer’s hand was considered like an extension of Yitzchak’s hand.
Eliezer Was Freed
Some commentaries say that Avraham freed Eliezer, which is why he was able to serve as an agent for betrothal. (Although Eliezer continues to refer to himself as a slave, this can be a manner of speech.) The Talmud says that if a master allows his slave to don Tefillin in his presence, it is considered that he freed that slave since slaves do not put on Tefillin. Similarly, since slaves cannot be an agent in marriage matters, the fact that Avraham appointed Eliezer for these matters implies that he freed him at that time.
Based on the above understanding of the events, it is possible that Eliezer’s choice to betroth Rivkah with a nose ring and bracelets was in keeping with the widespread custom to use a ring for betrothal (kiddushin). This custom is mentioned in the Tikunei Zohar.
Why a Ring?
By the letter of the law, one may use any object that has the value of a perutah (a few cents) or more to effect a betrothal. Nevertheless, as mentioned above, the custom of the Jewish people is to use a ring.
There are several reasons given for this custom:
Represents a Yud
According to the Tikunei Zohar (10), the round ring represents the letter yud [י], the finger of the kallah represents the letter vav[ו], while the two witnesses represent the two letters of hei [ה ], thus completing the name of G-d (Havayah). In addition, the Zohar says, by putting the ring on the kallah’s finger, the vav of her finger turns into a zayin [ז] (which looks like a vav with a yud on top of it), which is why it is appropriate to say the sheva brachot (seven blessings). (The numerical value – gematriyah – of zayin, is seven.)
Represents the Tefillin
Elsewhere in the Tikunei Zohar, the ring for betrothal is compared to the Tefillin straps that are wrapped around the finger. (Just as the Tefillin represent one’s complete devotion to the Almighty, the betrothal ring represents the devotion of the Kallah to her Chattan, see below.)
Remembering her Husband
The Sefer HaChinuch says that the purpose of using a ring for the Kiddushin is so that the bride can wear it constantly and remember her husband.
Surrounding Light
The Ben Ish Chai writes that the act of Kiddushin connects the souls of the Chattan and Kallah in an external way (in Kabbalistic language this is called ohr makif – a surrounding light), represented by the circle of the ring that goes around the finger, whereas the Nissuin, after which the marriage is consummated, represents when the souls unite in an internal manner.
An Absolute Gift
The Lubavitcher Rebbe explains that the object used for betrothal should be one which will belong completely to the wife and in which the husband will have no portion. If coins or other objects of value would be used, the husband would have a share of the investment value of that money or object as soon as the marriage was completed (i.e., after the Chuppah). Therefore, a ring is used since only one person can use it; nor may the husband wear it as it is a woman’s type of jewelry, which means that the ring will be used exclusively by the wife. Whereas in earlier generations when the nissuin (Chuppah) would not take place right away, one could also use other objects for the betrothal since the husband had no rights to his wife’s property until the marriage was completed. Thus, for that period of time, she was the exclusive owner.
G-d willing, we will discuss more on this topic another time!
Wishing you a Shabbat Shalom and a Chodesh Tov!
Copyright 2023 by Rabbi Aryeh Citron
