Based on Rav Yitzchak Silberstein's seforim
Who To Ask
Of course to Rav Yitzchak Silberstein shlita.
Who makes Torah learning so sweet & geshmak...
Avrumi was a top bachur, a one of a kind. When it came time for shidduchim, he wanted a top top girl. But every shidduch he kept saying “No, it’s not for me. I need someone even better.”
His rebbi got worried, he watched Avrumi getting older and older because he was being so picky. He decided to do something a little out of the box for Avrumi.
One day he told Avrumi, “I have a great shidduch for you. She’s amazing, but she does have one issue, (you fill in the issue, she is...).” When Avrumi heard this issue, he was shocked and very surprised on this shidduch said, “With all respect to the rebbi, but sorry, I don’t think that’s going to work for me.”
A few weeks later, the rebbi had a different amazing shidduch, but again one with a different issue.
When Avrumi saw the type of shidduchim coming to him, he realized that he couldn’t be so picky anymore.
Finally, after a while he settled and got engaged to someone he said “no” to a long time ago, and he married to her.
He told his rebbi, “It was because of you that I woke up and stopped being so picky. Seeing the types of shidduchim you sent me, I realized I’d better wake up and choose from the options I still have!”
The rebbi was happy that this plan worked, but also felt really bad.
Was he allowed to cause Avrumi pain like that, just to make him “wake up” and stop being so picky?
The rebbi did the right thing and was actually a big mitzvah in this situation.
1) Since Avrumi is obligated to get married, the rebbi found a very smart way to “wake him up” to be real about what he needs and what is correct.
2) Even though it caused him pain, he was allowed to do it, since he did it for his benefit. Only when one hurts someone for no good reason is it not allowed.
3) But the Aderes, Rav Eliyahu Dovid Rabinowitz-Teomim warns that even though one may hurt another person for his benefit, like in this case, one shouldn’t rely on this – always to do this, since he will get used to hurting others and will do so even when it’s not a need or mitzvah.
This rebbi was right for what he did, but he shouldn’t always do this.
Too picky in shidduchim?
