Turning My Hobby into Avodas Hashem
Question: Dear Rabbi Mandel. Thank you so much for your shiurim and Bitachon Weekly. Your positive and upbeat personality has a positive impact on me, and certainly on others as well! I have an issue that is bothering me for some time, and I hope you can help me. I want to know how I can turn my hobby into Avodas Hashem.
I have a passion for landscape photography. I love going out and take pictures of nature. I invest time and effort to get nice photographs, and do it on a semi-pro level. As a matter of fact, I was depressed until I discovered landscape photography a bit more than a year ago. I do everything a good Jew has to do; learning, davening, Shalom Bayis, raising kids, etc... but however much I try to get a Sipuk (satisfaction) in these things, it just doesn't work. The only thing that gives me Chi'yus is photography.
It gives me a lot of aggravation that I don't find this excitement in learning, or in other aspects of Avodas Hashem. I tried many years (I'm forty-five by now...). Chesed is also hard for me, because I'm very shy and an introvert. Indeed, I help spread Torah Shiurim free of charge, but again I'm doing it because it's the right thing, not because I love doing it. I work at a very boring job, that I totally don't connect to. I keep on doing it, because it gives me good Parnasa (I have 7 kids) and is compatible with a frum lifestyle.
Whenever I go for photography and spend time editing my pictures, I feel like I'm not okay. I should be learning, or doing Chesed, or something on a higher spiritual level. I also feel like my wife looks down on me for spending time with my "silly hobby". I don't know how to explain it, but it's the only thing in life right now that gives me passion and Simcha. How can I turn it into something more Ruchaniyus’dik? I would really appreciate if you could take time to answer my question!
Answer:
There’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing. There’s no Treife side to it. Continue doing it. It’s therapeutic. In a certain sense he’s a Choleh. A Choleh has to take of himself. His wife should not look down at him. She should be mature, and understand, and be M'kabel; he’s a Tzadik. He can’t help it the way he is. Let him stay the way he is. And he’ll get Olam HaBah, and he should not worry for the rest of his life. He’ll get Olam HaBah, because he’s having a lot of pain, and the pain atones for all his sins. Let him keep enjoying it. Let him keep doing it. Mu’tar Lach, Mu’tar Lach, Mu’tar Lach.
Two people on Yom Kippur, one person fasts, and one person eats. Both are getting Mitzvos. The person who is supposed to eat on Yom Kippur gets a Mitzva. You have to eat on Yom Kippur. That’s you. You can’t help that. it’s not your fault. It’s a test. Hashem wants to see, are you going to go through life being involved in something like this and still holding on. It’s a tremendous accomplishment, because there’s so much pain that you have. And enjoy it, the more the better. Keep doing the photography. I'm behind you. Do it even more, and enjoy it even more. You can’t help it.
Now, that’s basically what I have to say. Here’s another thing. Since you're shy, that can be worked on. But that’s a whole new subject. I was terribly shy, and with very small steps. I overcame my shyness. If you overcame your shyness, that would give you a lot of excitement and a lot of Simcha. It might even spill over to your learning, and it might open you up in general, because it could be that the photography is a bit of an escape from reality (I don’t really want him to know that). When you break your shyness, you're opening up to the real world. And with small stages, and with someone coaching you, like HaGaon Mandel, to keep inspiring you, you'll be a new person. And you'll be able to do much more, and you'll be happy doing it. (That’s a Shtarka answer. I'm curious what would a Gadol tell him. I say he’d tell him the same thing I said).
STORY
An Adam Gadol Me'od, when he first got a job, he was not happy. There was a lot of stress. He was in a Bais Medrash, there were things that went on there that hurt him. He used to get home a little early. He was a big Masmid, a Gaon and a Tzadik. But to keep himself in one piece, he used to take a saw, and he started creatively building different things with a saw and wood, just to keep himself happy, because he wasn’t happy with his job that he had in a big Yeshiva. And that kept him happy.
Forty-five is very young. And you never know, your whole problem can someday disappear. You get a Mitzva for not giving up. But don’t stress yourself. Mainly accept. You'll get Schar for having Bitachon that your whole problem can disappear. But your wife, she better accept you. I don’t like that. She’s looking down? She has no understanding of her husband. It’s a Tayna on her. You want to be a good wife? Understand him! You have your Nisayon in life. You have no right to look down at him. Are you so perfect? If she thinks she’s perfect, then that’s a problem. People have to hear this.
And I would add that he’s going to get a big Olam HaBah for all that photography. Because he’s doing the best he can. He shouldn’t look down at it at all. It’s a Mitzva what he’s doing. It keeps him happy. He’s being M'chazek a Yid. Do you know what a Zechus that is? It’s very Chashuv in Shamayim, to be M'chazek another person. That’s what he has to do. It’s tough. He’s M'chazek himself, that’s the biggest Mitzva in the world. He needs it? He should do it with a Shtoltz! Don’t do it like “Bedi'eved”. Do it Le’chatchila! Don’t bother me. I NEED THIS.
