by Rabbi Yissocher Frand
The Medrash [Bereishis Rabbah 60] says that there were four people in history who made improper requests. Three of these people were fortunate, in that even though their request was articulated improperly, G-d answered them kindly. The fourth person received a terrible response. These four people were Eliezer, Kalev, Shaul, and Yiftach.
Eliezer said "And it will be the girl that says 'Not only will I give you to drink, but I will give your camels to drink' will be the girl who will marry my master's son." [Bereshis 24:14] The Medrash says that this was not an appropriate way to ask. What if a maidservant had come out and met all of Eliezer's conditions? Fortunately, G-d sent Rivkah.
Kalev promised to give his daughter in marriage to the person who would capture the city of Kiryat Sefer [Yehoshua 15:16]. Kalev did not know what kind of person would conquer the city. What if a slave would have conquered the city? Fortunately, Osniel ben Kenaz conquered the city.
Shaul promised his daughter to the person who would kill Goliath [Shmuel I 17:25]. Again this was a rash promise, but again G-d was kind and Dovid killed Goliath.
However, there was one man whose improper request resulted in tragedy. Yiftach was praying for success in battle against Ammon. Yiftach said to G-d, "If You deliver Ammon into my hands, the first thing that comes out of my house to greet me, I will offer as a sacrifice..." [Shoftim 11:31] Unfortunately, his daughter was the first to greet him. [According to the commentaries, Yiftach either sacrificed his daughter or sent her away for the rest of her life. Either way, this was a punishment for Yiftach's improper request.]
The question can be asked: Eliezer, Kalev, and Shaul also asked improperly. Why were they fortunate and why was Yiftach struck with tragedy?
The Beis Av offers a beautiful insight. The Beis Av says that the common denominator of Eliezer, Kalev, and Shaul was that their requests all involved Shidduchim, marriages. When it comes to finding a proper mate, that is one area regarding which a person can legitimately say "G-d -- take care of me!" When it comes to finding a person's life mate, the rule is that this comes from the Hand of G-d [Yalkut Shimoni 117]. Regarding Shidduchim one is allowed to play with Providence and rely on G-d's intervention.
Yiftach's pledge had nothing to do with a shidduch. When one utters an irresponsible pledge like that, anything can happen.
I once heard the following from Rav Simcha Zissel Brody, who heard it from the Chazzon Ish. The Chazon Ish commented, there are two things that are "as difficult as splitting of the Red Sea" -- a person's livelihood and finding a mate. We all know that a person's livelihood is difficult because Adam received a curse that it should be difficult to bring forth bread from the earth. But, the Chazon Ish asked, why should finding a mate be so hard?
The Chazon Ish explained that unfortunately, we live in a time in which we usually do not see the Hand of G-d. However, there is one area where everyone admits that we often can still see it. G-d takes a special interest, and plays a special role in Shidduchim.
We all have stories that we feel were 'basherte'. This is an area where we see Hashgocha (Divine Providence) -- the Hand of G-d. Here a person can take the liberty and say "Master of the World, take care of me."
