In this week's Parsha, Aharon Hakohen passed away. The Passuk tells us that when he died all of Klal Yisrael cried. By Moshe Rabbeinu the Passuk tells us that the Jews cried when he died but it doesn't say 'kol Yisrael' - all the Jews. Not everyone mourned when Moshe Rabbeinu died. But when Aharon died the Passuk tells us that 'kol Yisrael' – all of the Jews cried.
Why?
Chazal tell us that Aharon Hakohen had a unique 'midah' - trait, he was a 'ohev Shalom verodef Shalom' – he loved peace and pursued peace. Anyone who had a fight in Klal Yisrael, Aharon tried to make peace and nearly always did. This caused Aharon to be very popular and beloved, that when he died, everyone missed him and cried. Moshe Rabbeinu was the leader of Klal Yisrael. He had to give lectures to everyone and point out when they did something wrong. No one likes to be told that he has done something wrong, no one wants to be lectured, no matter how correct the point is. This caused some people to have hard feelings against Moshe Rabbeinu. So when he died those people weren't so broken and they never cried.
How did Aharon manage to always make peace when people had a fight? How many fights are we aware of, whether our own, our family, our friends or just anyone. We all know how hard it is to regain peace if at all. What did Aharon do to make peace?
Chazal tell us what was the secret recipe of Aharon's success. In Avos De'reb Nassan (12-3) it says that when two people had a fight, Aharon would go over to one of them and say, "my dear son, do you know what your friend (once upon a time) is saying? He is so broken, tearing his clothes and saying, woe is to me, how can I look him in the face, I am so embarrassed for the wrong I did to him." Aharon would continue to convince the person until he removed all hate and jealousy from him as well.
Then he would go over to the other man and play the same game over again the other way around and tell him, "my dear son, do you know what your friend (once upon a time) is saying? He is so broken, tearing his clothes and saying, woe is to me, how can I look him in the face, I am so embarrassed for the wrong I did to him." When the two people would meet each other, they hugged each other and became friends again. That's why everyone cried when Aharon died.
However, there is an obvious question here, something that needs explanation. Forty years the Jews were in the desert. Aharon must have made peace hundreds if not thousands of times. How is it no one found out Aharon's trick? How is it that Aharon wasn't scared that his scene would be found out untrue and then everyone would know that it was just a game.
Let us imagine the following episode. Aharon walked into the tent of a Jew and sat down with him. He started telling him that his friend is so broken for what he did to him. The man looked at Aharon in amazement, thinking to himself, 'what is he talking about, I am the one to blame not him.' Aharon continued and said, "he is busy saying, 'woe is to me, how can I look him in the face, I am so embarrassed for the wrong I did to him.'" The man looked at Aharon and said, "Rabbi Aharon, its not possible, he never did anything wrong, it was all my fault. You've got it all wrong, he couldn't have ever said that." Aharon then would have lost his trust from all of Klal Yisrael and no one would have ever believed him again.
How is it that such a story never happened all forty years in the desert? Rabbi Yankel Galinsky gives the following explanation. There Gemarah in Sota (49.) says, that two Talmidei Chachamim that live in one town, that don't get along and fight, one will die and the other will go into exile. The Gemarah learns this from a Passuk. Why are both punished? Maybe only one is at fault and the other is innocent. The answer is that it takes two to fight. Yes, maybe one is more at fault and one less, so one dies and one only goes to exile. The only question here is who is more at fault.
But one thing is for sure everyone is one hundred percent positive that he is right and his friend is wrong, its all his fault! If so, Aharon had no problem, he wasn't taking any risk. Aharon never stood a chance of being caught. Whoever Aharon spoke to, they always agreed fully with him, it was exactly was his friend should be doing, sitting and regretting what he did. For this reason, Aharon never confronted anyone telling them they were at fault, because then he would be taking the other side, and no one would ever agree with him.
Adam blamed Chava, Chava blamed the snake, Kayin blamed Hashem (Midrash Tanchuma, Breishis 9), Avimelech said to Hashem, "would you kill a Tzaddik (himself)?, Pharaoh said, "Hashem is the Tzaddik, and me..." No one ever blames themselves.
Whoever wants to fulfill the words of Mishna in Avos that says, one should be from the students of Aharon Hakohen, love peace and pursue peace. Whoever wants to merit the reward of someone who brings peace between husband and wife, man and his friend as we say in Shacharis, that one merits to eat the fruits in this world and the capital reward remains stored for Olam Haba. The secret is Aharon's recipe. Don't blame the other party, give in. To understand that the other party is positive and so sure that they are right, that we are in the wrong and they are waiting for us to have a broken heart, tear our clothes from regret. If we don't understand this then its a waste of time and effort. Its tough, its so hard! Why? Because we think that we're in the right and the other one is wrong, so they should be regretting what they did. How can we lie to ourselves that they're right and we're wrong? But we can comfort ourselves that Chazal tell us that it is permissible to lie for the sake of peace!