When Balak’s servants arrived at the home of Bilaam on a mission to persuade him to curse the Yidden, Bilaam made little pretense about his willingness to accompany them. In fact, he was all too transparent.
R’ Pinchas Koritzer notes that when Balak’s servants promised that he would be “greatly honored” if he complied, Bilaam responded: “Even if Balak gives me a house full of silver and gold, I cannot do anything that would transgress the word of Hashem…” Until then, no one had mentioned payment for his services, but Bilaam’s greed was so great that he proved unable to hide it.
Too often, we expect those around us to understand not just what we’re saying but also what we mean, which is probably what Bilaam expected too. The problem of two people speaking different “languages” and trying to get along is one that affects many types of relationships, especially marriage. People expect others to speak to them in their own “language” (or at least hope they will), and on their own terms, and it never even occurs to them that a spouse, child, parent, or colleague may be seeing or experiencing things very differently.
Miscommunication isn’t just in the words people use. It starts with different experiences and interpretations. It’s very common for one spouse, for instance, to complain that they are giving the other spouse “so much” and not being appreciated. But when you ask them whether the gift was tailored to the giver or the recipient, they are taken aback by the question as it’s something they’ve never even thought about.
It’s impossible to get it right all the time as one cannot see the world through another person’s eyes. However, even a little effort in this direction goes a very long way. If we can learn not only to give in order to please another person, but also to receive what others give us with genuine appreciation, recognizing that they meant well even if they didn't express themselves in exactly the right way, we will make tremendous progress toward building stronger, healthier relationships.
