Rif: The extent of honoring parents is if the parent will throw his wallet in the sea in front of the child, and the child does not embarrass the parent.
Question (Ran DH Lo): According to the opinion that Kivud Av v'Em is from the parents' money, why didn't Dama wake his father?
Answers (Ran): One need not spend his own money to honor his parents, but he must forfeit all his money to avoid embarrassing his parents. Alternatively, one need not spend money to honor them, but he must refrain from a profit if necessary to honor them.
Rambam (Hilchos Mamrim 6:7): The extent of honoring parents is if the child has a wallet of gold coins, and his parent threw it in the sea, and the child does not embarrass the parent, shout or get angry. He accepts Hashem's decree and is silent. The extent of fearing parents is if the child was wearing choice garments, and was seated at the head of the congregation, and his parent came and tore his garments or hit him on the head and spat in front of him, and he does not embarrass him.
POSKIM
Shulchan Aruch (YD 240:3): The extent of fearing parents is if the child was wearing choice garments, and was seated at the head of the congregation, and his parent came and tore his garments or hit him on the head and spat in front of him, and he does not embarrass him. He is silent, and fears the King of kings who commanded about this.
Shulchan Aruch (8): The extent of honoring parents is if the child has a wallet of gold coins, and his parent threw it in the sea, and the child does not embarrass the parent, shout or get angry. He accepts the Torah's decree and is silent.
Rema: Some say that if he wants to through the son's money into the sea, he may stop him, for one need not honor with his own money, only with the parent's.
Rema: We do not distinguish between honoring and paining. If he already threw the money, he may not embarrass him. He may claim from him in Beis Din.
Bach (DH v'Ad): The Rif's text explicitly said 'his wallet', i.e. the son's. If Kivud Av v'Em is from the parents' money, the son may claim his loss and will not lose.
Radvaz (Hilchos Mamrim 6:7): Rabanan asked R. Tarfon 'did she throw your wallet in the sea, and you did not embarrass her?'
Lechem Mishneh (Hilchos Mamrim 6:7): The Rambam, like the Ramah, permits embarrassing the parent to prevent loss.
Gra (18): The text of the Rif and Rambam said 'embarrassing is different' (to avoid this, the son must spend his money).
Shulchan Aruch (18): A Mamzer is obligated to honor and fear his father. Even if his father is a Rasha, he must honor and fear his father.
Rema: Some say that he need not honor a father who is a Rasha unless he did Teshuvah.
Taz (17): The Ran and Tosfos distinguish between paining parents and honoring them.
R. Akiva Eiger: He may not do an act to disgrace him. He need not do an act to spare his father from disgrace.
