Many people who struggle with the chinuch of their children—and by this we don’t mean extreme cases of struggle, but rather the regular challenges that come with chinuch—see an opportunity.
A person once got up in public and said, “I am among those people who was made into a mentch by my teenager .... Boy, did he whip me into shape!” This person went step by step, he began to understand things differently, he approached things with more seriousness.... He was mamash happy that he grew through this experience.
“I Am His Tzaddik”
Another Yid related that one day, his ten-year-old son declared, “I am no longer going to yeshivah!” In later years, the parents realized that he was suffering from hearing loss, and as a result he missed out on crucial foundations of kriah and other basics. But in the meantime, it was a terrible situation... the child refused to go to yeshivah, and his brothers, seeing that he wasn’t going, said that they too didn’t want to go. This caused incredible stress for the entire family.
Well-meaning people suggested that the parents send the child away... with the byproduct being that the parents wouldn’t have to experience the challenge up close. But the father decided, “No, this is my gift from Shamayim.... I refuse to reject the challenge!”
The father proceeded to take the child with him everywhere: To shul in the morning for Shacharis, he took him along to work, and then when he went to learn with his chavrusa... 24/7, the child did not budge from his side.
What happened next was incredible. Automatically, the father, seeking to be a proper example for his son, began davening with more seriousness, and their bond was strengthened in an incredible way.
A few years passed, and a Yid walked over to the father and, gesturing toward his son, he said, “Is this your tzaddik?” And without missing a beat, the father said, “No, I am his tzaddik! Who says that he grew from me... it is I who grew through the challenges that he presented to me!”
Sometimes, it takes an extreme case to bring out this point. But really, it is true for all of us. As our children grow older, we recognize what a miracle it takes for them to go in the proper path—and this recognition automatically has an incredible impact on our personal development.
