Humor

What do you call it when you accidentally butcher your heifer instead of your steer? A Ms. Steak.

A Rabbi goes to one of the regulars and exclaims "MOSHE! You bring your cellphone and your wallet to Shul in Shabbat? How could you even think of doing that in Shabbat?"

To which Moshe responds "Well, Rabbi, I'm sorry, but where else was I supposed to put my driver's license??"

A priest and a rabbi have a car accident....

Shortly before shabbat (Friday night), two drivers – one a rabbi and the other a priest – are in a horrible collision, and both cars are totaled. By what only can be described as a miracle, the two men are unscathed. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from G-d."

The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from G-d."

The rabbi goes on, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Manischewitz I just bought for Shabbat didn't break. Surely G-d wants us to drink a toast and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest.

The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.

The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."