A Complicated Order
Moishe Wasserman went to the kosher meat restaurant by his house and the head waiter came over and greeted him with a smile.
"Good morning sir, may I take your order?” the waiter asked.
“Yes,” replied Moishe. “I'd like two boiled eggs, one of them so under cooked it's runny, and the other so over cooked it's tough and hard to eat. Also, a steak that has been left out so it gets a bit on the cold side; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; margarines straight from the deep freeze so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, lukewarm."
"That's a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult."
Moishe replied, "Oh? I don't understand – that's what I got yesterday!"
An Archaeological Wager
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.
"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.
To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."
A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"
"Easy,” said the archaeologist. “There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath.’”
Cow Tips
Avi, a devout Israeli farmer, lost his favorite Chumash that his grandfather passed down to him; Avi was distraught at this carelessness.
Three weeks later a cow walked up carrying the Chumash in its mouth.
Ave the farmer couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle from Hashem!"
"Not really," said the cow.
"Your grandfather’s name was written inside the cover."
Surprise!
Chaim Epstein gingerly walked up to the sales lady in the clothing store “I would like to buy my wife a pretty pink scarf.”
“How cute” exclaimed the sales lady. “Sounds like it’s going to be a great surprise.”
“It sure is!” said Chaim. “She’s expecting a new car!”
