When Hashem gives us children, the expectation is for us to do the right thing—knowing that, somehow, these actions will awaken Heavenly mercy, they will bring kedushah into our homes, and they will bring the desired result—but we won’t automatically see the result in real time.
The Ribbono shel Olam creates all sorts of situation in the course of our efforts in chinuch.... For example, a child who is struggling in yeshivah. The parents immediately begin calling the rebbi, the principal.... What does Hashem expect of the parents in this situation? To do all the correct actions to improve the situation, while at the same time knowing that they are powerless to affect the outcome.
We Are Not in Control
In the moment that a person becomes filled with despair and feels forlorn, he has lost the game.... Because the purpose of being given children is to make a person more ehrlich, and a large part of that is to bolster our emunah and bitachon, with the knowledge that we are not in control. Thus, there is no reason to despair. We are expected to do our part, and nothing more. Make that phone call, be responsible... but know that it is only our aspect of hishtadlus. We mustn’t lose sight of the fact that all our actions in chinuch are only in the category of בא ליטהר. The rest is up to Hashem.
This is not easy. If we were discussing something that isn’t ours, it would be much easier. People who do askanus on behalf of others, whether raising money for them or helping them in other ways, it is much easier to do our part, and then let go. We pick up the phone, we do a mitzvah, and we rely on Hashem to send siyatta diShmaya. It’s easy to let go because we aren’t connected emotionally. It is different when we’re talking about our children, our flesh and blood.
What Does Hashem Want?
When we see our child struggling, when we feel that we may be able to do this or that to help, it touches us in the deepest place, because we’re connected to it in the deepest way. Nevertheless, in all situations, we must ascertain what Hashem wants us to do here and not become emotionally connected to the actions that we’re doing.
Sometimes it’s a warm kappitel Tehillim that is called for, sometimes it’s doing a mitzvah that will then bring shefah... and we trust that Hashem will bring the yeshuah. If we see the results tomorrow, good. If we see the results in a month, it will also be good. Maybe even in a year from now, and maybe not from this child but from another child. But we believe באמונה שלימה that every gesture in chinuch will help bring shefah to This World so that our children should receive yiras Shamayim.
This is a very big internal battle... a washing machine of sorts. We so want to see immediate results... but the above is the proper approach: the right actions, fused with deep emunah and bitachon.
