Question: My husband has a friend he spends a lot of time with. They play basketball, visit the Kotel or kevarim—various types of outings. But, we’ve only been married for six months. Shouldn’t he want to spend more time with me? Am I wrong to feel this way?
Answer: Six months into marriage, you are both getting to know one another, learning how to build a shared life and emotional connection. It’s very natural during this period for certain behaviors—like spending long hours out, quiet moods, or frequent time with friends—to trigger questions or concerns. You may wonder, “Is something wrong?” or “Is he truly happy being with me?”
From a young age, many women imagine marriage as a deeply connected bond—full of shared experiences and closeness. That vision often becomes a core part of their dreams for the future. While men also want to build a home and marriage, they may not instinctively view time with friends or personal activities as a contradiction to their commitment. For them, it’s possible to deeply care for their wife while keeping regular social outlets.
So his behavior isn’t necessarily a reflection of discontent. More likely, it’s a sign he hasn’t fully transitioned into viewing marriage as a new stage that calls for a recalibration of priorities. This is common and usually reflects a lack of guidance rather than a lack of care.
Still, it’s completely valid for you to feel a need for more connection and shared time. The key is how that message is communicated. Expressing hurt through criticism or frustration can lead to defensiveness or distance. A gentler, more collaborative approach—such as, “I really enjoy the time we spend together. I’d love for us to have more of it”—can open the door to closeness without creating tension.
You can also share your feelings in a way that shows understanding for his needs and affirms you’re on the same team. A supportive, respectful tone, combined with a focus on building your bond, will encourage a more mature and balanced adjustment to married life.
Marriage takes time to grow, and transitions like this require patience and insight. But the more warmth, encouragement, and positivity you bring, the stronger and more joyful the foundation of your marriage will be.
Aharon Schmidt, marriage & individual counseling: www.aharonschmidt.com.
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