By Sarah Chana Radcliffe
Minimize the pain and suffering that follows a fight...
Loved ones have occasional run-ins with each other, suddenly erupting into hurtful conflict, often over minor (in retrospect) issues. Instead of sulking in silent pain for days or weeks after such interactions, go ahead and speed the healing process along. Take a bit of time to calm down (under an hour is best, but do wait until a convenient time for everyone concerned, before beginning a reconciliation). Then approach the one who hurt you and acknowledge everything YOU did and said that you now regret. Then pause as if you are at the end of the conversation. Almost always, a sincere acknowledgment of responsibility and remorse invites a similarly sincere acknowledgment from the other person. And then you're all made up and you can continue to live happily ever after.
Some kids are very "intense," reactive and dramatic...
Your overly emotional child cannot be helped by instructions to "calm down." Instead, slowly name feelings, welcoming and accepting each one. When your child is a bit more settled, move on to problem-solving if appropriate. Then help your youngster "start over," by practicing explaining her issue to you in normal words and sentences, so she has a chance to neurologically wire-in the better way to communicate even when she feels overwhelmed. This step is essential; there will be no change in real time without it.
