Questions To Rabbi Mandel
Question: What is Rebbe’s perspective on mental health professionals in our community? What is the difference between the good ones and the ones who aren't as good?
Answer: There's all kinds. Some are Bnei Torah. Some are high-Madrega people, and they are not Stam. They came to speak to the Yungelight at the Torah U'mesorah convention, and I was extremely impressed with their Yiras Shamayim. They were Oisgehalten, Tzadikim G’murim. However, it's got to fit with the person, and sometimes it's a waste of time. Rav Gisinger told me that there is a very high percentage that are not so good. There's a lot of damage that they can do. They are notorious for breaking up marriages. They are known for that!
The problem arises when they speak to one party and hear only their side. I personally witnessed such a situation. They need money, they sympathize, they become best friends, and they don’t even hear the other side! It's not right! (It doesn't have to be a therapist; it could be anybody who doesn't sit with both parties). They are notorious. A lot of them do that, they make a lot of money.
When people talk to me, I'm always a little skeptical. Although I'm totally on that person's side, but I'm not going to Paskin if I didn't hear both sides. There is an Ehrlicher woman here in Lakewood, and she was speaking to only one party, and she said, "That's Treife!" You can't speak to one party if you didn't hear the other person. You have to hear them both! You become best friends with one! This woman is a professional, and she's recommended by the Chashuva Rabbonim here in Lakewood; Reb Matisyahu held a lot from her. I'm not sure how Yeshivish she is, but she's a decent person, and she said this, that it's very wrong (and even though she's speaking only to one, because that's the only one who wants to speak to her, she realizes that). That's an Ehrlicher person. Most of these guys, what happens to them? They get fired up with the person who they are speaking to, and they become best friends. They hate the other guy, and say: "This calls for divorce!" They are very trigger happy with marriages, Rachmana Litzlan. I personally witnessed a lot of this. I witnessed good stuff too. There are therapists out there that can really help people. R' Yaakov Kamenetzky once told me, way back, that there are people who can be helped. Yankel Greenwald was a Tzadik Yesod Olam, R' Nosson held from him. There are decent people out there, very decent; but unfortunately, there are many who are not. I don't want to get involved in the dirt, that's not my thing. Rav Gisinger told me to watch out with them; they can wreck a lot of havoc. It's a problem, and you need to be Mispallel. And as always, it goes without saying that a person needs to have a competent Rav or Rebbe who understands him and can guide him.
I recommend anyone who sees a therapist has to daven very hard, AND NOT HAVE FAITH IN THAT THERAPIST, EVEN IF THEY ARE THE BEST THERAPIST. I know someone who didn't have any Hatzlacha with his therapist, until he learned to say on the way to his therapist, B'kol Ram: “Eibishter, You are the real therapist, not this person. Please make this person say what I have to hear”. THEN he had Gevaldige Hatzlacha. When you do it like that, that's the safest way to go.
Then, of course, read Bitachon Weekly. I have so many therapists who are calling me up; therapists who are telling their clients: “You must go to Mandel once a month”. A lot of them are my biggest Chassidim. A lot of them come to me with their own problems, you know.
You can submit your questions to Rabbi Mandel by emailing them to [email protected]
