EVEN IF YOU ARE STILL ON THE WAY, YOU ARE ALREADY A TZADDIK
The Ma'aseh Parah Aduma is: םיִאֵמְטַה תֶא רֵהַטְמ purifies those who were Tamei, and is: םיִרוֹהְטַה תֶא אֵמַטְמ M'tamei those who were Tahor. We can suggest that since Parah Aduma symbolizes purification from sin, so becoming Tahor is a: ְבּ ִח ָניה form of becoming a Baal Teshuva, and: דוֹמֲﬠַל ןיִלוֹכְי םיִרוּמְג םיִקיִדַצ ןיֵא םיִדְמוֹע הָבוּשְׁתּ יֵלֲﬠַבֶּשׁ םוֹקָמְבּ ברכות לד ב Baalei Teshuva are even GREATER than pure Tzaddikim! So “Mr. Sinner” becomes the big pure Tzaddik, and the Tzaddik Gamur is Tamei compared to him, since he can’t even stand in his: ָמקוֹם lofty place!
Imagine! The Rambam in Hilchos Teshuva elaborates about the greatness of a Baal Teshuva, since the Baal Teshuva doesn’t feel so great, despite his Teshuva. But the Torah way of thinking is not like our negative way of thinking. יַתוֹבְשְׁחַמ אֹל םֶכיֵתוֹבְשְׁחַמ ישעיה נה ח My thoughts are different than yours. םַﬠֹנ יֵכְרַד ָהיֶכָרְדּ זי ג ילשמ The ways of the Torah are sweet. Imagine Mr. Zero is actually looking down at all those: ָק ֹדשׁ ֵמ ֶר ֶחם holy-from-birth’niks, who spent their lives in Torah and never tasted sin!
The bum becomes the Tzaddik, and the Tzaddik is Tamei compared to him! Look at how much needless depression we all suffer from, since we don’t truly believe in the words of Chazal. You would need a good half hour of reviewing, that: םיִרוּמְג םיִקיִדַצ ןיֵא םיִדְמוֹע הָבוּשְׁתּ יֵלֲﬠַבֶּשׁ םוֹקָמְבּ ןיִלוֹכְי דוֹמֲﬠַל ברכות לד ב Baalei Teshuva are even GREATER than pure Tzaddikim! No wonder the Baalei Mussar were such happy people! They internalized what we all know but don’t really feel.
˃ֶבָבְל לֶא ָתֹבֵשֲׁהַו םוֹיַּה ָתְּﬠַדָיְו טל ד ןנחתאו The knowledge in your “mind” needs to penetrate into your “heart”.
“But I’m not a real Baal Teshuva; I’m just trying to be one!” Notice that the Cohen who is: קֵרוֹז throws the blood of the Parah has to be standing OUTSIDE the Machaneh! The sinner doesn’t belong in the Ohel Moed; but his Ma'ala is that he’s aiming the blood towards the Kodesh HaKodoshim. [Divrei Chaim]. And wherever you are “aiming” for and “striving” to be, THAT’S where you really are!
Notice that Elozor who is the S’gan [“second” in command to the] Cohen Gadol performs the Avoda of Parah Aduma. Perhaps the Torah is again being M'ramez, that the person who is on the way to greatness is “the man of the hour”. The S’gan is the future Cohen Gadol. Even if you’re sitting all day in pain over your sins that are so difficult to overcome, you are already “Der Ganzer Knocker”!
This positive way of thinking is so different than our depressive Hashkafos. Your Yetzer Hara is lying to you throughout your life, and is causing you to play down your true greatness. And if someone calls you a Tzaddik, you say: “Stop the Chanufa [empty flattery]!” We would all be dancing 24/7 if we would live with the truth!
Self-Bashing Is Poison!
I know Chashuva Yidden who if they hear the slightest hint of Lashon Hara, they go wild and shut you down immediately. They are actually justified, since Lashon Hara is truly poison. There are many of us who habitually are always telling themselves negative self-talk. “I did this wrong, and that wrong”. “I’m no good”. “I’m not with it”. “Not frum enough/ or nice enough. “My smile is no good”! There is no end to this!
If Lashon Hara about others is evil, and thinking negative thoughts about others is a bad Midda, surely we need to remember to guard ourselves from those negative self-talk thoughts, with as much vigilance as Lashon Hara, and scream to yourself: “No more self-bashing, it’s poison!” םיִמְדוֹק ˃יֶיַח א בס מ"ב Your life comes first!
When you work on this and do plenty Pratim, it is very exciting; and your trapped true-self comes out and you blossom! Of course, the main thing is to daven for success in your Avoda, and consult with Baalei Mussar who have experience with this.
They say in the name of R' Yisroel Salanter Zatzal, that during Elul, the main thing is to be like a person shoveling the snow of his walkway, and as long as you’re heading in the right direction. “But I did such terrible sins!“ Indeed, the Parah Aduma has to be red, and red symbolizes sin. And it must be: ְתּ ִמ ָמי ְבּ ה ַא ְד ִמימוּת total redness - a Gantzer Rasha - the worst of the worst!
And: לֹע ָהיֶלָﬠ הָלָﬠ אֹל רֶשֲׁא a cow which never carried a yoke, which symbolizes total Hefkeirus. לַﬠַיִּלְבּ Bli’ya’al is the famous term used in Tanach to describe the worst Reshaim, which means: ְבּ ִל וֹע י ל without a yoke, meaning: לוֹע יִלְבּ ָשׁ ַמ ִי ם without the yoke of Heaven. Imagine someone who is always making mistakes, and saying the wrong things. No Kavana in Tefila, not enough learning Torah, and all kinds of Bain Adam La'chaveiro issues, like Kin'ah, Ta'ava, and Kavod all over the place! No yoke!
Guess what! You’re exactly what we’re looking for in a Parah Aduma! And the Meforshim ask: Why a cow? Because a cow has lots of: ֶג ֶשׁ ם physicality - a thick, fat piece of: וֹח ֶמ ר mass and Gashmiyus (PS. is that your self-image?) And why do we use a [female] cow and not a [male] ox? Because the red, disgusting, Treife blood of a [female] cow, turns into beautiful, creamy, rich, white milk!
Look how Hashem made His world to be M'ramez so much Chizuk for His beloved human-being. םָדָא ביִבָח םֶלֶצְב אָרְבִנֶּשׁ אבות ג יד How precious is Man, who was created in the image of Hashem! How much Chizuk we get from the miracle of the automatic production of milk! And this is how Hashem wants a Baal Teshuva to feel!
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