The father writing this letter describes a family blessed with many children very close to one another in age. These days, there are unfortunately some people who will see that as part of the problem (although this doesn’t seem to apply here). Blaming problems on “too many children” is not a Yiddishe mindset — aside from the fact that in the overwhelming majority of cases, problems aren’t caused by having “too many children.”
In fact, the opposite is usually true. Children who grow up in large families often have to learn social skills in order to live harmoniously and become much better adjusted adults. While sibling rivalry and jealousy, and even not having “enough” privacy, are all genuine challenges that come along with a large family, the skills children acquire when dealing with these issues will serve them extremely well later in life.
Children who grow up without siblings are missing out; while they may learn to be independent, an attitude of “I don’t need anyone” is hardly healthy. It’s like a wealthy father, who buys a large house for his married son in a certain part of town. When his friend asks him why he chose that neighborhood — after all, there are no young families living in that part of town — the father scornfully replies, “My grandchildren won’t need neighbors. They’ll have all the toys and games they could want without needing to borrow from friends.”
When people see others as no more than tools to supply them with their needs, they’re missing the point of what human interaction is all about.
Now to address the question. Virtually all families have at least one “challenging child.” Virtually all parents feel at least sometimes that, “Life would be so much simpler if I didn’t have to deal with this one child’s issues.” While it’s natural to see the situation in that light, there is a better way of looking at things, one which holds the key to finding a solution.
The story is told of a certain gadol who was asked by a father of a “problem child” whether he could send that child away to live with another family, as he felt it was just too difficult to deal with him. Why should the other siblings suffer from the boy’s bad behavior? The gadol replied: If you’re contemplating sending children out, send away your well-functioning children. They can deal with being sent away without being devastated by it. This “problem child” needs you!
