In this week’s parshah, Moshe Rabbeinu rebukes Klal Yisrael for their lack of respect for their elders and leaders — for gathering together in a disorganized crowd in which people pushed themselves forward without showing deference to others. Rashi notes that when the Torah was being given, Klal Yisrael didn’t act in the same way — then, the younger people stood back, allowing their elders to stand before them, and the elders in turn made way for the leaders.
The Chiddushei Harim explains that Moshe Rabbeinu was not presenting Klal Yisrael’s behavior at Matan Torah in order to hold it up as an example of how things should be done. Rather, their behavior at that time was also being criticized. While the Torah was being given, it would have been commendable for Klal Yisrael to eagerly push forward, and being orderly during such a momentous occasion was a sign that they did not properly appreciate the enormity of what was happening.
Knowing how to behave in any situation depends on the context and this applies to everything in life. There are times when it’s appropriate for a parent to take a firm approach with a child, and times when it’s better to step back and use warmth and understanding instead.
The same is true between husband and wife. While their relationship should be one of mutual respect, there are times when it’s appropriate for one spouse to take a firm stance and not yield. This will actually benefit their relationship, even though it may not seem so at first. There are even times when slightly “rocking-the-boat” and being less tolerant than in the past is what enables the necessary reset, creating the possibility for things to come back into healthy balance.
