The Rama writes that the minhag is not to eat meat or wine starting from Rosh Chodesh. The Seder Hayom wonders why we start from Rosh Chodesh. Being that Rosh Chodesh is somewhat of a yom tov, we would think that the issur to should begin on the next day. He answers that Rosh Chodesh Av is different than all others. Since Ahron Hakohen was niftar on this day and we allow fasting, something which is not usually allowed on Rosh Chodesh, the mourning can begin as well.
Chasunos
The Mechaber rules that weddings are not allowed starting from Rosh Chodesh. The reason for this is because, as we mentioned, the Mishna tells us: “mishenichnas Av mimaatin b’simcha – when the month of Av arrives, we minimize the joy.” Since weddings are joyous occasions, they are not to be held during this time.
The Rama adds that the Ashkenazim do not make weddings during the entire 3 weeks. Since there is no halacha that we should minimize the simcha during the Three Weeks, what is the reason to refrain from making weddings? The poskim explain that since it is a time of puraniyus – punishments, it is not considered a favorable time for a wedding.
Laundry and Haircuts
The Rama writes that doing laundry is only forbidden starting from Rosh Chodesh. But we do not allow haircuts during the entire Three Weeks. Since the minimizing of joy starts from Rosh Chodesh, why should haircuts be forbidden from Shiva Asar B’tamuz? One reason is because it is a time of aveilus. Another reason is that we should feel agmas nefesh – the anguish of this time period.
(The nafka mina will be in regards to cutting the hair of a young child, who is below the age of chinuch. If the reason of the Rama is because of aveilus, such a child is too young to mourn and can have a haircut. But if the reason is that we should feel the agmas nefesh – the anguish of this time period – even a young child should not be given a haircut, since this will help his parents feel the anguish.)
Why don’t we say the same for laundry, and forbid doing laundry starting from Shiva Asar B’tamuz, as we do for haircuts, for the same reason of mourning or feeling the anguish? The Mishna Berura explains that we would do the same for doing laundry. But since abstaining from doing laundry is too much for the people to handle, they did not institute such a custom.
Based on the Aruch Hashulchan we can give another reason for the difference between haircuts and laundry. He explains that if we would allow haircuts up until Rosh Chodesh, it would be hardly noticeable that we are abstaining from haircuts, since people don’t take haircuts so often. If that is the case, when it comes to laundry, merely refraining from Rosh Chodesh is very noticeable, and we do not need to do more than that.
Dancing and Music
During the Three Weeks we do not allow dancing or listening to music. This is because of the mourning period which starts from the beginning of the Three Weeks.
Can one have music and dancing during a Sheva Brochos? There are actually three different opinions in the poskim. Rav Menashe Klein quotes Rav Moshe Feinstein who allowed dancing and music. In Moadim Uzmanim, Rav Moshe Shternbuch rules that one is only allowed to have dancing without music. The Shevet Halevi (3:157) is the most machmir and rules that even dancing without music is not allowed.
This whole possible allowance of dancing and music is only true for a sheva brochos, and does not apply to any other seudas mitzvah, such as a bar mitzvah, because music is an integral part of simchas choson v’kalah. We see this concept from the words of the Maharil. There was a situation where the head of the state died and they issued a ruling that no one was to play any music for the entire year of mourning.
The Maharil writes that, rather than making a wedding without music, they should go to a different city where they would be able to have music at the wedding. In addition, Rav Moshe rules that in some cases one side can force the others to have music. Others maintain that a sheva brochos cannot be compared to a chasuna, and music cannot be allowed at a sheva brochos.
Dancing on Shabbos of an aufruf is a machlokes. The Mekor Chaim allows it only when the aufruf takes place on the Shabbos before the chasuna, but not if the aufruf was held early, more than a week before the wedding.
SUMMARY
Shehechyanu and dangerous activities – Three Weeks.
Haircuts – Mechaber: week of Tisha B’Av. Rama: Three Weeks.
Laundry – Mechaber: week of Tisha B’Av. Rama: Nine Days
Meat & wine – Mechaber: different minhagim. Rama: Nine Days
Weddings – Mechaber: Nine Days. Rama: Three Weeks.
Rabbi Scheiner
