By Rav Yehuda Mandel
Question: What is the best way for me to Shteig during the 3 weeks/9 days/Tisha B'av?
Answer: Everybody’s different. Everybody is different! I recommend sitting and learning; that’s always the answer to all good things. And being B'simcha, of course. Make sure you are B'simcha before you start being NOT B'simcha; as Chazal say1 that this is a time we are: מְמַﬠֵט “lessen” our Simcha.
So first make sure there is Simcha! Otherwise, what Simcha will you be: מְמַﬠֵט “lessen”? Make sure you are dealing with a “Simcha-person” (yourself) to begin with, or else you're talking to the wall! There’s nobody home! You are being: מְמַﬠֵט “lessening”; IN WHAT??!
Make sure you have plenty, plenty, plenty overflowing Simcha, especially in this Dor. And the reason for the Churban was: בְשִׂמְחָה אֱ ק◌ֶׁי 'ה א◌ֶׁת ﬠָבַּדְתָ לאֹ אֲשֶׁר תַּחַּת לֵבָב וּבְטוּב ז מ כח תבא lack of Simcha. Not enough Simcha caused the Churban. So that’s the first thing to do; i.e., be B'simcha. That’s for sure. And some people have to be more drastic about it than others.
For some, it’s really Pikuach Nefesh; it’s wrong for them to get down. (Of course, there are basic Halachos. But there are certain things you might get Heteirim for. I'm not a Posek, but sometimes it’s really serious stuff). You have to watch yourself with Atzvus, and make sure you are solid in Simcha; that’s the main thing.
Now, ideally, get some time for the Bais Hamikdash, as much as you can. Think about the heartbreak of losing the Bais Hashem, the Aliya L’regel of Shalosh Regalim, of losing the beautiful: ך נֵלֵ 'ה בֵית “Let’s all go up to the Bais Hashem”, the Lechem HaPanim, the Menorah, the Shulchan, the Mizbeach! Cohanim! Levi'im! The music that went on there! Simchas Bais HaSho'eva! To lose all that! How much pain we have over every single Chelek of the Bais Hamikdash! How we all saw that the Eibishter is in charge of His world! How beautiful it was; how Geshmak it was! What Yidden didn’t do... once a Yid killed himself while bentching when he got to the words: ם י לַּ ירוּשָ ני וּבְ “Hashem, please rebuild Yerushalayim!”, and because of that there is a Halacha that no knives are allowed on the table during bentching. (Shulchan Aruch2).
Do you know how much the Bais Hamikdash meant to Yidden! This is the real us! There is a big Inyan to cry. It’s a big Mitzva: כָּמֹהוּ שֶׁאֵין like no other. Spend some time; whenever you could (don’t make yourself into a machine). Do it whenever you could, maybe it could be a one-shot deal, sit alone with yourself for 10 minutes/half hour/an hour, and tell the Eibishter how sorry you feel about this whole business, and that we’re all going to try to do Teshuva, etc. And be Mispallel for a successful Tisha B’av.
Be Mispallel for that! And be Mispallel that it should be done exactly the way the Eibishter wants us to do it. When it comes to Tisha B’av, some people should cry, some people shouldn’t; everybody’s different. In extreme cases I can recommend to go write your Maalos in the middle of Tisha B’av! Cheer up before you start crying, or else you will have Atzvus, the worst Aveira; there’s nothing worse than that! But if you're cheered up, then crying won’t kill you so much.
Reprinted from the Parshas Devorim 5785 email of Bitachon Weekly
