A Jewish man rubs a magic lamp, and a genie appears. The genie offers to grant him one wish.
"I wish for peace in the Middle East," the man says, handing the genie a map.
The genie looks at the map and says, "I'm good, but I'm not that good. Can you make another wish?"
The man thinks for a moment and says, "I wish my mother-in-law would stop complaining."
The genie replies, "Let me see that map again."
A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you."
Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
She replies, "It's me...talking to the wine."
A husband and wife were at a large shopping mall most of the day when the wife realised that she’d lost track of her husband... After searching all over, she finally called his mobile and said, “Henry, I’ve looked everywhere!... Where are you?!”... To which he replied, “Honey, do you remember that jewellery store where you saw the matching diamond earrings and became all emotional about them, but I couldn't afford them then, so I promised I’d get them for you someday?”... The wife, feeling incredibly joyful admiration for her thoughtful husband, said, “Oh, I do remember that, dear.” “Well, I’m in the sports bar right across from that shop!”
A dog named Moishe is so smart that his master, Chaim Yankel, decides to send him to college. Home for vacation, Chaim Yankel asks him how college is going.
"Well," says Moishe the dog, "I'm not doing too great in science and math, but I have made a lot of progress in foreign languages."
"Really!" says Chaim Yankel. "Say something in a foreign language." Moishe the dog says, "Meow!"
