Now, when we talk about mourning for and rebuilding the Torah nation, so naturally we think on a national scale. After all, it seems that’s what went lost; the entire nation was displaced from its land and כל מחמדיה, all of the delights of living our own independent national life. But we shouldn’t lose sight of one of the most important delights that went lost – the original Torah home. When we sit down and mourn, we shouldn’t lose sight of how we can participate in that rebuilding in our own private lives. We should spend time thinking—while you’re sitting on the ground—about the opportunity we have to build a Beis Hamikdash in our own homes.
Now, I know that when you hear that, you think it’s just an exaggeration, something I’m saying just to interest you in the subject but if you listen well you’ll see it’s not an exaggeration at all.
You have to know that at the time of the Churban there were some who began to say that there’s no use getting married anymore. They wanted to make a prohibition on having children (Bava Basra 60b). “Look how many people we lost to the Romans already — it’s no use having children any more. Let's just die out gradually.” That’s how the weaker people mourned, by giving up. They sat on the floor and cried, and they stopped looking forward. Even to rebuild their own little homes, they didn’t want to do.
Oh no! That’s a big mistake; that’s not how we mourn. Of course we look back and we’re sad but we should never stop looking ahead. And included in that is the Beis Hamikdash that we can still build today – that’s the Torah family, the Torah home.
Pure Boys
The Gemara in Mesichta Pesachim (87a) is discussing a possuk in Tehillim (144:12): בנינו כנטעים מגודלים בנעוריהם – Our sons are like plants, raised up from their youth. That means our children are brought up in the Jewish home like plants. They're watered carefully; they're tended to and they grow into beautiful trees. And our daughters, the same. כזיות מחוטבות תבנית היכל – Our daughters are like corner pillars; they are the cornerstones, the supports, of our homes.
Now he goes on and explains further. “Our sons are like plants; what does that mean? אלו בחורי ישראל שלא טעמו טעם חטא – These are the Jewish youth that never tasted sin.” You know in the olden days every Jewish boy was bashful; he couldn't even talk to a girl. The truth is that to a great extent that’s how it used to be even fifty years ago. Our youth were brought up like pure saplings and they were watered with bayshanus, with yiras cheit. They were innocent boys and they married young. They never knew what cheit was. And it wasn't just a few. That was the Jewish nation in the days of old.
Now, we have to understand that he's talking about yeshivos of today as well. Of course they're not like they used to be, but today our yeshivah boys are our pride. We are very proud of them. They are bashful boys, modest. They are far from aveiros. Some learn more, some learn less, but still they have been trained in the way of Yisroel Saba and they go with tznius and yiras Hashem.
Pure Girls
And our girls? כזיות מחוטבות תבנית היכל – Our daughters are like cornerstones, אלו בנות ישראל שמגדלות בתמימות – that’s the Jewish girls who maintain their tznius; they’re perfectly modest. Our daughters, baruch Hashem, are Bais Yaakov girls, Bais Rochel girls, Bais Rivka girls, beautiful girls. They're covered up. They're well dressed.
They know that their job is to get married and be loyal wives and loyal mothers and they'll be busy in their homes. That's our pride.
Now, that possuk in Tehillim concludes with the following three words: מחוטבות תבנית היכל – They're being shaped with the shape of a palace. And listen to what the Gemara there says about that: אלו בנים ובנות שמגדלים אותם כראוי – With these sons and daughters together, נבנה היכל בימיהם – it's considered as if the heichal, the Beis Hamikdash, was rebuilt in their days. By having sons and daughters and raising them properly it is actually a form of rebuilding the Beis Hamikdash.
An Actual Sanctuary
Now, let's not get lost in meshalim, in forms of speech and metaphors. It’s actually the binyan Beis Hamikdash. Here's a woman with ten children, all frum. She gave her life to raise those children. She was cooking all her life. She nursed them. She washed diapers for them. She cleaned the house for them. She saw to it that her husband went to learn and didn't sit in the house in the evening wasting his time. She encouraged her sons to go to learn. The little boys had to know the Chumash. When they came home, she said, “Take out the Gemara and learn.” Her daughters dressed with tznius. She made sure they helped in the house.
The father too. He’s out in the office working long hours so he could pay the schar limud but he’s watching over the children too. They keep every kutzo shel yud of the halachos. No muktzeh, no lashon hara. Everything is done with kashrus, with tznius.
And so our Sages want us to know that people who are raising such sons and daughters are not just building the Mikdash al pi mashal. They’re actually, factually, building the heichal. It's considered as if the Beis Hamikdash, the heichal, was rebuilt in their days. With these sons and daughters together, נבנה היכל בימיהם – it's considered as if the Beis Hamikdash, was rebuilt in their days. And so when people get married with the intention of raising big families, big frum families, they are the ones most entitled to weep for the Churban because they’re the ones who mean business.
Holy Jewish Homes
That's why the Gemara (Brachos 6b) says, כל המשמח חתן וכלה כאילו בנה אחת מחורבות ירושלים. If you come to a wedding, a kosher Jewish wedding—men here, women there—and you add joy to the groom and bride so it’s as if you are rebuilding one of the ruined houses of Yerushalayim. A chasunah? What’s that have to do with it?
Because it’s not only the Beis Hamikdash itself and being chased from our land that we are mourning; besides for the Churban Beis Hamikdash, there was also a churban of the Jewish dwellings, the Jewish homes. בתי ישראל ונוהיהם – That’s what we daven for; we want to see once again the return to the niveihem, the authentic Jewish home.
What the Jewish home was in the ancient times, we have no idea how holy they were. I'm always repeating what was said about seventy years ago or more by Rav Yerucham z”l, the mashgiach of Mir Yeshivah in Poland. “Mir kennen nisht farshtein,” he said, we're not able to understand the greatness of our great-grandmothers.
Now Rav Yeruchem lived in a time where there were many frum Jews yet. Not everybody, but there were many frum Jews and there’s no question there were still many beautiful holy homes of tzaddikim. But the homes of the great-grandmothers were something different altogether. Not we don't equal the greatness of their grandmothers; he said, “We don't even understand them.”
And surely the further you go back; once upon a time the Jewish home was kodesh kodashim. It was the pride of our people. They lived on such a different degree; Hakadosh Baruch Hu and His Torah were the foundation, the pivot of everything that took place in the home. Ah! And so, when we mourn the loss of the churvos Yerushalayim it doesn’t mean only the Churban Beis Hamikdash; we mourn the loss of all those holy dwellings of our ancestors.
Rebuilding with Pomp
And one of the purposes of our mourning is so that we can understand what we lost and try to rebuild as much as possible. We mourn but then we get up on Motzei Tisha B’av and we keep building.
And so, let’s say you’re going to a chasuna next week, right after Tisha B’Av. You have to know what you’re doing there. When you come to a chasunah, what's the function of being mesameach chosson v'kallah? What's the purpose? The function is to let them know how important this occasion is.
Suppose they were getting married and nobody came to the wedding. The mesader kiddushin came and he brought with him two eidim. A few more Jews were there to make a minyan. It's a good chasunah; it's kosher v’yashar. But it's a lost opportunity. The chosson and kallah have to see it's a major event. We have to see that it’s a major event. The truth is if we had the ability we should do it in a stadium and all the seats should be full. Hundreds of thousands of people should be present. Only that we can’t do that. People are busy. And the little children can’t be left in the house alone and the father has to go out to the beis medrash. But we pack in as many as you can to impress on ourselves that there's a very important occasion taking place now.
Because when you’re mesameach chosson v'kallah you’re telling them. “Listen you young people. You know what you're doing now? You're going to do something of the utmost importance in the Eyes of Hashem. You're building a little Beis Hamikdash where the Shechinah is going to dwell.”
Rebuilding with Happiness
And therefore when you come and you make a big noise – the band of course is important; the orchestra is playing and you're dancing and everyone is coming over to the chosson, “Mazel tov! Mazel tov!” And the chosson is thinking, “Oh look, my old friend from mesivta came by. And my second cousin from Detroit is also here dancing. It must be an important occasion if he comes such a big distance for my wedding.”
Yes, my friend, this is a very important occasion and that’s why we’re here being mesameach chosson v’kallah; that’s why we’re dancing so much. If you write out a nice check and give it to them, it's also a simchah. The bigger the check the bigger the happiness. But even if you have no money to give them, you have to act wild, excited; you dance up a storm and show how important that occasion is. We’re building now one of the ancient Jewish homes of Yerushalayim. You’re rebuilding now! You’re participating, encouraging, supporting the rebuilding of Yerushalayim.
Your Mikdash at Home
How tremendous is the accomplishment of a home where a chosson and a kallah live together and begin to build a Torah home. They’ll live loyally together, a frum Jewish home with idealism, avodas Hashem, gemilus chassadim, good manners, shemiras halashon, middos tovos, tzedakah, every form of avodas Hashem, and together they’re raising up fine children, sons and daughters and many of them.
Now, nobody is an angel, nobody is perfect, but whatever you can do is worth doing. Every attempt to build a house with frum boys and girls where you'll serve Hakadosh Baruch Hu together will be rewarded as if you rebuilt the Beis Hamikdash.
And it’s not merely a form of speech; don’t say, “But it’s not the real thing”, because what good is a Beis Hamikdash with korbanos and kohanim and everything else if the Jew is sitting in his house and he's mechallel the Torah in his house? The purpose of the Mikdash is so that the holiness, the inspiration, the Torah attitudes, should flow from the Beis Hamikdash to the homes. And so whether or not there’s a Mikdash in Yerushalayim, your home is where it matters most.
It’s All Coming Back
And even though you're married a long time already, an old chosson and kallah who got married fifty years ago, try from now to start climbing the ladder upwards; try to build your house with the glory that once dwelled in the Jewish homes. It's never too late. Even old people, if they decide from now on they're going to try to live with the utmost derech eretz, utmost politeness – of course you have to add the l’sheim Shamayim; you want to build a house of kedushah where the Shechinah will dwell among you – they can start rebuilding their homes in the spirit of the churvos Yerushalayim, the kedushah of the Jewish family.
And the time will come that הקב"ה יחזיר לנו – Hakadosh Baruch Hu will bring back His Shechinah to Tzion and we’ll see again all of the original glory that went lost. And we look forward to the day when it’ll be rebuilt in the most literal sense. And on that great day everything that went lost at the Churban – the Beis Hamikdash and all of the holy institutions that came along with it, the awareness of Hashem’s Presence among us, the pride we had, and the holy Jewish homes – all of that will be returned to us forever and ever.
Have A Wonderful Shabbos
