Kamtza said, "There were rabbanim present at the meal. Why didn't they speak up in my defense? Apparently, they also feel that I should be treated that way! I will slander them to the king."
The Gemara (Gitten 57) notes, היכלו את ושרף ביתו את והחריב קמצא בר את ה''הקב סייע שהרי בושה של כחה גדולה כמה וראה בא, "Come and learn [from this story] the power of shame. Hakadosh Baruch Hu helped Bar Kamtza, and He destroyed His house [the Beis HaMikdash]..." all because of the shame that Bar Kamtza endured.
Let this be a lesson to be cautious with the honor of our fellow man. The Gemara connects this episode to the pasuk (Mishlei 28:14) ברעה יפול לבו ומקשה תמיד מפחד אדם אשרי, "Fortunate is the man who is always afraid, but he who hardens his heart will fall into evil." Rashi explains, תמיד מפחד, "He is aware and fears the consequences of his actions and therefore distances himself from aveiros."
Stories of Gedolim Avoiding Embarrassment
Here are some stories about gedolim who were meticulous not to cause shame to their fellow man:
Reb Seroya Deblisky zt'l came to the Chazon Ish zt'l and said that he wanted to be matir neder, to annul a vow. There was another Yid in the room, speaking Torah with the Chazon Ish. The Chazon Ish said, "We're two. Go outside and bring in a third person." Soon, Reb Deblinsky returned with an unlearned person whose religious standard was questionable. The Chazon Ish, with his two guests, annulled the vow. When the unlearned man left the house, the Chazon Ish said, "Go outside and bring in someone else to be matir neder. That man wasn't kosher for the beis din."
The Chazon Ish was cautious not to say this earlier, in order not to embarrass the man. Reb Deblinsky learned from this episode how careful we must be not to hurt our fellow man.
At a hachnasas sefer Torah celebration, the owner of the new sefer Torah honored the Tchebiner Rav to write a letter in the sefer Torah. The Tchebiner Rav said, "I don't want to write the letter myself. I'd rather appoint the sofer to be my shaliach to write a letter for me." Everyone in the room followed the Tchebiner Rav's lead, asking the sofer to write the letters for them. The Tchebiner Rav later explained that one of the people who came to the hachnasas sefer Torah was halachically unfit to write a letter in the sefer Torah. So the Tchebiner Rav appointed the sofer to be his shaliach to write the letter, and this caused everyone present to do the same. In that manner, the sefer Torah was written according to halachah without having to embarrass another Yid.
I remember one Rosh Hashanah, in my father's beis medresh, the baal tokeyah said the brachos on the shofar, tried to blow it, but no sound came forth. He kept trying, but to no avail. My father motioned that he wanted the shofar. My father tried blowing the shofar, but he too, couldn't get out a single sound. Then my father gave the shofar to a third person, who blew the shofar well.
I knew that my father didn't know how to blow the shofar, so after the davening, I asked him why he tried to blow. My father replied, "I didn't want the baal tokeyah to be embarrassed. If I had given the shofar right away to someone who knows how to blow it, the baal tokeyah would be ashamed. Everyone would see that the shofar blows well, and the baal tokeyah was the problem. So I also tried to blow the shofar, and failed, and thereby, his shame was less."
