Conversely, a person who lives in his own world won’t understand other people, and he won’t be aware of their challenges. Even when someone shares their problems with him and he listens to him, he’s really thinking: You’re disturbing me... I had things I wanted to do now.... this wasn’t on my agenda....
The Tragedy of Being Apathetic to the Shechinah’s Pain
Stepping Out of Ourselves to Feel the Mourning of Tzion
All of this is merely a parable to the important pain that we must all feel in these days—the השכינה צער, which is especially acute at this time of the year. Sadly, we don’t sufficiently feel the pain of the Ribbono shel Olam, and this is itself a great indictment. When a Yid says that he didn’t feel the pain, the question is why not, indeed? Where does your apathy to the השכינה צער stem from?
This person walks around during the days of המצרים בין, and everything is just fine and dandy. It’s the Nine Days, but soon after Tishah B’Av, we will relax and vacation. It’s already good, but it will be even better.... Why doesn’t he feel the pain? Because he thinks only about himself all day! He thinks about himself and his successes and his goals. When he hears that the Ribbono shel Olam is in pain, he will at best say: “Okay, how much money is needed here? I’ll give you money, but don’t bother me... and don’t disturb my summer vacation with this.”
He’s so deeply immersed in his own world that he can’t possibly feel anyone else’s pain. And this itself is the greatest טענה on us!
The Marriage Demands It
If a person weren’t married, then the complaint against him isn’t so great. But if he has stood under the chuppah and he’s nevertheless oblivious to the pain of his spouse, it shows terrible negligence on his part. This person has obligations to his spouse, and these cover emotional needs as well. His heart and his mind must be present at home. He must be completely aware of what is happening there. He must sense when something is amiss, and if he doesn’t, then something isn’t right with the marriage.
If a person is so preoccupied with his parnassah or with other things, and he doesn’t realize what’s happening in front of his face, it is a great failure in his marital obligations. And indeed, such obliviousness is very often found in broken marriages, which bring so much pain, aggravation, and even worse.
Every Yid stood under the chuppah at Har Sinai. The Ribbono shel Olam selected us and chose us to be close to Him. A close person must be able to feel what is happening right next to him!
Not Noticing Isn’t an Excuse
When a child is struggling, his parents must be able to notice it before it’s too late. Similarly, a good rebbi must likewise be able to notice when a child is struggling. He may say, “I just realized that there’s been a problem for six months, but how should I have realized...? Incidentally, he did well on tests....”
But this is the problem! Why do you associate with him only when he’s taking tests. Why don’t you have a deeper connection with the child? If you’d developed a connection and love with the child, you would’ve immediately recognized that something is amiss with him. You would have realized, “Even if I can’t identify it, and the child is learning well, but he’s not the same... his heart isn’t here....”
Developing Closeness with the Shechinah
The same applies to our relationship with the Ribbono shel Olam, as it were. לי ודודי לדודי אני—Hashem wants us to feel along with His pain. A Yid must be able to shed a tear because of the pain of the Ribbono shel Olam.
But these emotions of empathy with the השכינה צער can come to a person only after he thinks about the Shechinah in general! The relationship must be cultivated in the first place before one can feel the Shechinah’s pain. Once a person feels close to another, he will shed a tear over his pain.
Tzaddikim Felt This Way About Their Fellow Yidden
We find that tzaddikim related this way to their fellow Yidden. If Yidden would come in to unburden their hearts—even if it was the first time the tzaddikim encountered them—it was natural for the tzaddikim to be able to feel their pain and cry along with them.
Where did this come from? The tzaddik may not have known this person, his challenge, his suffering, and his history, but tzaddikim always davened for their fellow Yidden. They thought about their brethren and they were connected to them, and so, if a Yid felt pain, they felt it keenly, because they felt so close to them.
Thinking About the Shechinah
The Ribbono shel Olam wants a Yid to begin thinking about the Shechinah. When we begin davening, or we sit down to learn, we should forget about ourselves for a bit, and think about the Shechinah. No one needs to know about it—but we need to think: What can I do for kevod Shamayim, to bring pleasure to the Ribbono shel Olam? Maybe I can give tzedakah in a hidden manner so that even the recipient isn’t aware of it? This is one way of doing something for the Shechinah.
A Yid may think during davening that the Shechinah should be brought joy. When a person engages in bringing joy to a chassan and kallah, and he knows that the Shechinah is present, he may think about bringing joy to the Shechinah.
The yetzer hara wants the opposite; he wants us to be so consumed with ourselves that we can’t even notice what kind of pain the Shechinah finds itself in.
But when a Yid thinks about the Ribbono shel Olam, he strives to be close and bring joy to the Shechinah, then, when he hears that Hashem is in pain, he also becomes pained. When he sees things in the world that illustrate the Shechinah’s pain and exile, he has the sensitivity to feel it too. He is close to it, and this awakens in him inner feelings to experience along with the pain of the Shechinah.
