...quotes a pasuk in Mishlei “Do not rebuke the scoffer, lest he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.” Why does the Gemara quote the second part of the pasuk concerning rebuking the wise man, which doesn’t seem to have any connection to what Rav Abba said? Says the Dubno Maggid, from here we learn the yesod of giving rebuke. Don’t give rebuke to those who will not listen. If you do give such people rebuke, they will consider you to be a fanatic and you will lose your credibility altogether. Then, if you rebuke at a time when it seems like it will be accepted, people will not listen to you because you are already labeled as a fanatic. So, if you wish to “rebuke a wise man and he will love you”, then “you must not rebuke a scoffer, lest he will hate you” and destroy your credibility and effectiveness.
That is why Avraham Avinu didn’t even try to rebuke Sedom. Avraham Avinu understood that if he rebukes the people in Sedom, they would laugh at him and even react violently. If he wanted to influence his children at a later time, then he could not afford to lose his credibility to teach. The pasuk says that “Avraham will become a great and strong nation… and he commands his children and household after him that they keep the ways of Hashem.” By not rebuking Sedom, he was preserving his ability to effectively reprove his own family and talmidim, the people who would willingly listen to his rebuke.
In the early 1900’s, Rav Elchonon Wasserman traveled to America to raise funds for his yeshiva. He heard about a former student of his who became wealthy in the textile business but was not so religious anymore. He decided to make an appointment to see him. When he arrived, the student asked him why he came, and Rav Elchonon replied that he had a button that needed to be sewn back onto his coat. The factory owner replied, “I can’t believe you came here to America just for this. Are you telling me that there are no tailors in Europe?” Again, Rav Elchonon said “I came here that you should sew back my button”. This went back and forth until Rav Elchonon decided to leave. As he was leaving, the student agreed to sew back his button and then for the last time, the student begged, “Tell me, Rebbi, please, why did you travel so far just to sew on a button?”
Rav Elchonon turned to him and said, “Do you believe that your neshama came all the way to this world just to sew buttons on coats?” The words of Rav Elchonon had an effect on the student. Besides giving a nice donation to Rav Elchonon’s yeshiva, this talmid did teshuvah and became frum again.
The mitzvah of giving mussar to our fellow Yid is not an easy commandment. Yet, if we use our wisdom to rebuke with sincere love, our words will be effective and draw our brothers closer to our Father in heaven. (R’ Moshe Oelbaum shlita)
