חנוך לנער על פי דרכו
Train the child according to his ability
וָאֲצ וֶּה אֶּת שֹׁפְטֵיכֶּם בָעֵת ה הִוא לֵאמֹׁר שָמֹׁע בֵין אֲחֵיכֶּם ושְ פ טְתֶּם צֶּדֶּק בֵין אִיש ובֵין אָחִיו ובֵין גֵרוֹ: (א, טז)
I commanded your judges at that time saying, “Listen among your brothers and judge righteously between a man and his brothers or his disputant. (1:16)
Rashi explains, ‘I said to them, “Be patient in judgment. If a case comes before you once, twice and a third time, do not say, ‘This case has already come before me many times.’ Rather, deliberate over it.
It is clear that Moshe was only speaking to judges that were ‘ba’alei nefesh’ [compassionate], so that when litigants would come before them, they would not decide the case until they heard all details of the incident, and they would also remember well the details of the halacha which decisions were based on, [for were it not for this, they would have been prohibited to decide and rule without an investigation], yet Moshe taught them to be patient in judgment, and do not rush to decide until they revised the roots of the halacha.
Moshe Rabeinu reveals to us with this teaching that aside from the judges having a general understanding of the law, it is incumbent on the judge to also know who the law was directed at. Even if it is clear to the judge that in general the ruling must be such and such, it is incumbent on him to review the root of the matter and to understand the rationale behind the ruling. Afterwards he must consider well if the situations are comparable. Then perhaps it will be clear to the judges that the decision does not apply to the case before them. The Torah does not want to make guilty except in a specific incident when the Torah will come down to the view of the person and knows that his intent was such and such. Therefore he must bear the loss and ascertain the case before him that this was not the intent of the person, then he must change the ruling.
We must learn a great general rule from this teaching, that is, that we are not fluent in the ways of people, and we are not allowed to judge the person for his actions so long as we are not aware of his thought process. Therefore, even if in our eyes we see others doing things that in our view they are not allowed to be done, we must not have a pre-conceived notion about the person so long as we have not considered his mindset.
This is especially so when we are talking about the topic of chinuch when it is incumbent on the mechanech to relate to the actions of the chanichim [the trainer to those being trained] to their detriment or to punish them for this. Then, it is appropriate for the mechanech not to be quick to respond so long as he does not understand, or the reasons are not clear that link the child to his actions. Sometimes, things happen to the child that distorts his thinking, to the point that he is not that guilty, but we can also not exempt him completely, we must consider his situation and not punish him too harshly.
Sometimes things are created by preconceived notions, that is, the child does not admit that his actions are bad since he does not understand how severe they are. Even then it is not right to punish according to the strict letter of the law, like the incident that happened which proves these words. This happened with a distinguished mashgiach who served in one of the famous yeshivas in Yerushalayim. It happened that one of the boys went missing from the yeshiva for a few days. When he showed up in the yeshiva, the mashgiach asked him for the reason of his absence, and the boy replied that he had not felt well and he needed a few days of rest.
At the time, the mashgiach accepted the matter and believed the boy, but after a few days the mashgiach was informed that the boy spent those days wandering areas that were not appropriate, and even brought some other boys to follow suit. He immediately decided to throw the boy out of the yeshiva.
Before he had a chance to take any action, he happened to meet one of the great influencers in Yerushalayim, and when he saw the mashgiach’s face he understood there was a storm brewing. He asked him to explain the issue, and the mashgiach told him what happened with that boy who did what he did and added sin to his iniquity by lying about it. He also told him of his decision to throw the boy out of the yeshiva.
The Rav heard the matter, and he tried to save the boy from his downfall, and in order for the mashgiach to realize his mistake, he asked him, “Tell me, have you ever stood in the position of the boy? Do you know if the boy is aware of the severity of his actions? First, we have to ascertain if the boy is aware of the seriousness of his actions, and then it is fitting to punish him, but as long as the matter is not clear it is not possible to punish him for it is possible the boy did not think about it at all, and he is not aware of the severity of his actions. Perhaps if he knew how severe his actions were, he would not have stumbled at all. Therefore, my advice is to set up learning with him as a chavrusa in seforim of mussar regarding the harmful effects of lying and demonstrate with this how severe it is to lie.”
The mashgiach listened to the influencer and found a way to ask the boy to set a time to learn with him sifrei yirah [awe]. After a short time, it was clear to the mashgiach that the Rav was correct, for after learning with the boy regarding the severity of lying, tears began to stream from the boy’s eyes, he immediately admitted his bad actions that was encased in a lie, saying that he was not at all aware of the severity of his actions... here you have an example of how we must assess based on mindset severity of his actions.
When we mention a story like this, it is most appropriate to arouse the mechanchim that they must be very careful when they consider throwing a boy out of yeshiva. Aside from the punishment the boy receives, it is possible that this will make him stumble over many obstacles, and this can affect the lot of his generations after him. Therefore, even when the boy throws off the yoke of his mechanchim, it is incumbent on them to weigh their steps carefully, and they must do what they can for this boy to avoid throwing him out of the yeshiva.
An incident happened in the yeshiva of the Satmar Rav, that one of the boys was very rebellious who caused the administration much aggravation. One of the Roshei HaYeshiva decided to throw him out of the yeshiva. When he suggested this to the Satmar Rav, he refused. Even when he threatened to quit if the boy is not thrown out, the Rebbe did not change his mind, saying that he could not bear the responsibility for the later generations of the boy. Having no choice, the boy remained in the yeshiva. 20 years later they brought boys to that Rosh Yeshiva to pick for a new Satmar yeshiva. One of the top boys impressed him and he asked about him. He was told that this is the boy he wanted to throw out of the yeshiva 20 years ago. He said, “All my life I thought the Rebbe was not right, what could come from this boy, but today I see that he was right...”
