The sin of the miraglim is discussed this week. In parashas Shlach, when talking about the miraglim, the Torah writes (Bamidbar 14:1), ההוא בלילה העם ויבכו קולם את ויתנו העדה כל ותשא, "The entire community raised their voices and shouted, and the people wept on that night." The Torah emphasizes that they raised their voices and shouted. Reb Shlomo Kluger zt'l says that their main aveirah was that they raised their voices.
According to this explanation, their aveirah wasn't that they cried or worried. A person is only human, and it is natural to be concerned and afraid. Their aveirah was that they raised their voices and cried. Reb Shlomo Kluger explains that when a person cries silently, he is worried, but he feels that there is hope. Weeping loudly shows that he thinks that all hope is gone, and all that is left to do is to mourn the loss. Because they lost all hope, it was considered to be an aveirah. This is also implied in this week's parashah, as it states (1:34), דבריכם קול את 'ה וישמע ...ויקצוף, "Hashem heard the sound of your words, and He became angry..." Hashem was angry with the loud cries – the fact that they had lost hope.
It states (Devarim 14:1-2) לא אלקכיכם 'לה אתם בנים אתה קדוש עם כי למת עיניכם בין קרחה תשימו ולא תתגודדו אלקיך 'לה, "You are children of Hashem, your G-d. You shall neither cut yourselves nor make any baldness between your eyes for the dead. For you are a holy people to Hashem, your G-d..." The Ramban writes, "The pasuk is saying that you are a holy nation, Hashem's chosen nation... It isn't proper for you to cut yourselves or to cause baldness due to death, even if someone died young. The Torah doesn’t forbid crying, because by nature, a person will cry when a loved one leaves or travels a distance, even when alive..."
The Ramban clearly tells us that crying is permitted. The problem is when it becomes excessive. The Ramban quotes the Gemara (Moed Katan 27:) מדאי יותר נפש על להתאבל באסרם, that one may not mourn for a dead too much."
A few years ago, at the end of a shivah, a Rav showed his family a milk bottle and told them to look at the expiration date. He explained to them, "When the expiration date arrives, we stop drinking the milk because that is when it begins to spoil. The same is true with mourning. There is a time for crying, but when the shivah is over, if we continue crying excessively, it is like spoiled milk. There is a time and place for everything, and the time for crying and intense mourning has passed."
The Klausenberger Rebbe zt'l lost his wife, and eleven children in the Holocaust hy'd, r'l. He said (Tehillim 33:9) הוא ויהי אמר הוא כי ויעמוד צוה, the Ribono Shel Olam Who commanded that the tzarah should come, He also commanded ויעמוד, that we should pick ourselves up from the mourning and move on with life.
It states (Bereishis 27:34) עד ומרה גדולה צעקה ויצעק מאוד, "[Eisav] cried out an exceedingly great and bitter cry." He shouted bitterly because Yaakov received the brachos. Surprisingly, the Midrash (Esther Rabba 8) states that Yaakov was punished for causing Eisav this anguish. Years later, Yaakov's descendant Mordechai shouted bitterly due to Haman, Eisav's descendant, as it states (Esther 4:1) גדולה זעקה ויזעק ומרה, "He cried a loud and bitter cry."
However, we can ask that by Eisav it says he shouted מאוד עד מרה, an exceedingly bitter scream, whereas it doesn't state מאוד עד by Mordechai's shouting. It seems that the punishment wasn't equal. The answer is that a Yid never shouts bitterly מאוד עד. His anguish is always limited because he knows that Hashem is in charge. It states (Tehillim 119:8) מאוד עד תעזבני אל. Dovid davened that Hashem should never take away his emunah until he feels that the tzaros are מאוד עד, exceedingly great, beyond what he can endure.
I heard from a tzaddik that the earth is round, without corners, so a person should never feel he got to "the end of the world." No matter what trouble he is going through, there is always hope.
