A young man from a prominent family in Yerushalayim reached marriageable age, yet an appropriate match eluded him. The years passed quickly, and the young man grew older, becoming one of the senior unmarried members of the yeshivah. Still, no match was found.
Meanwhile, his younger sister, who had also reached marriageable age, waited patiently. Though several excellent proposals came her way, their parents refused to skip over the older brother. They instructed the shadchanim that she must wait until her brother was married first.
However, as more years passed and the sister also began to be considered “older,” her parents worried they might lose the good proposals coming her way. They wondered how much longer she would have to wait and decided to consult a Torah authority for guidance.
One evening, the entire family visited a great rav in Yerushalayim to present their dilemma. They asked whether the sister must continue to wait indefinitely for her brother to marry or if they could pursue a match for her first.
The rav inquired if there was currently a match proposed for the daughter. They confirmed there was. The rav ruled that they should proceed with the daughter’s match. He explained that it is inappropriate to delay a good match, referencing the discussion in Mo’ed Katan (18b), which permits eirusin even during Chol Hamoed out of concern that another might precede them.
At this point, the older brother interjected. Tearfully, he pleaded that his sister should not bypass him, lamenting how difficult it was for him to wait so long.
The rav turned to the older brother and spoke compassionately: “I understand your pain and difficulty. It is no small matter to attend your younger sister’s wedding while you yourself remain unmarried. But consider this: perhaps in your current situation, a special act of greatness is being demanded of you. Sometimes, one must break through the barriers holding them back. Who knows? Perhaps this very act—allowing your sister to marry first and rejoicing in her happiness despite your pain—will open the gates of salvation for you.”
The young man wept and hesitated, clearly grappling with the profound challenge. Yet he ultimately agreed, despite the hardship and the label of being an older unmarried man.
The young man’s tears and cries deeply moved the righteous rav, who empathized with his pain and anguish. Yet, the situation of his sister could not be indefinitely delayed. The rav spoke words of encouragement and strength to the young man, and then offered him a powerful berachah: “If you overcome this challenge and willingly concede to your sister, I promise you faithfully that you will find your true match, and with Hashem’s help, you will become engaged even before your sister’s wedding.”
Hearing the clear promise from the mouth of the righteous rav, the young man immediately agreed, surrendering his claim in favor of his sister. Indeed, a week later, his sister’s engagement was celebrated.
To the family’s surprise, just two days before the sister’s wedding, the older brother announced his engagement, fulfilling the rav’s explicit promise—every word of which came true.
When the young man, now a chasan, visited the rav with the joyous news, his face shining with happiness, he thanked the Rav for his promise, which had been entirely fulfilled. The rav opened a Gemara (Rosh Hashanah 17a):
“Rava said: Anyone who forgoes their rights (ma’avir al middosav) has all his transgressions removed, as it is written (Michah 7:18), נֹשֵׂא עָוֹן וְעֹבֵר עַל פֶּשַׁע - He forgives iniquity and overlooks transgression. To whom does He forgive iniquity? To the one who overlooks transgression. Rabbi Huna, son of Rabbi Yehoshua, fell ill. Rabbi Papa went to visit him and saw that Rabbi Huna was near death. Rabbi Papa instructed his household to prepare burial shrouds. Later, Rabbi Huna recovered. Rabbi Papa was embarrassed to face him. They asked Rabbi Huna, ‘What did you see during your illness?’ He replied, ‘Indeed, I had been sentenced to die, but Hakadosh Baruch Hu said to the heavenly court: Since he does not stand on his rights, you shall not stand against him either. As it is states, He forgives iniquity and overlooks transgression.”
The rav concluded, “We learn from this explicit passage that by relinquishing one’s claims, a person can annul even a clear heavenly decree. As Chazal taught (Pirkei Avos 2:4), ‘Nullify your will before His will, so that He will nullify the will of others before your will.’ ”
The rav added a teaching he often quoted from his late father: “Notice the Gemara’s precise language: ‘...has all transgressions removed.’ This includes even intentional sins committed out of defiance, chalilah. They are forgiven to one who forgoes his rights.”
He concluded with practical advice: “The best remedy to avoid any heavenly decree, including the decree of delayed marriage, is to practice forbearance within the home, to yield and speak gently. It is well known that when there is no shouting below, there is no shouting above. In the merit of yielding and forgoing, may we all merit salvation, Amen.”
