The Apter Rav in his sefer Ohev Yisroel gives a classic Chassidic interpretation of the opening passuk of this week’s parshah, “Vehayah eikev tishma’un ... ushmartem va’asisem osam.” The root word eikev can also mean “end” and the root of ushmartem can mean “waiting.” The Apter Rav teaches that for Moshiach to come, we have to keep all the mitzvos. We’re getting ever closer, but we’re not there yet. We know it will happen one day. Since “eikev tishmaun,” in the end we will listen and perform the mitzvos anyway, why “ushmartem,” — why wait so long? We should simply “va’asisem osam” — just do the mitzvos so we can finally be redeemed.
Sometimes we push off things that have to happen anyway, knowing that eventually, we’ll do whatever we’re supposed to. If it’s going to happen anyway, you might as well do it right away. It’s not that these things can’t be done later; they can. While we don’t always push things off until it’s too late, we often miss the optimum time for doing them. When it’s obvious that we’re only doing what we should because we ran out of other options, other people are far less likely to appreciate our actions. As for ourselves, doing things at the earliest possible opportunity usually means more flexibility about how to act, and the results are better. Often, shalom bayis issues crop up for this very reason. Sometimes a couple sees a problem coming, but they push off dealing with it until they have to. If they would only be wise and do earlier what they’ll be doing later anyway, they would be so much better off.
Sometimes people leave their entire shalom bayis on a back burner. As long as everything seems to be coasting along, they allow resentment and little issues to mount — until a major crisis erupts and everything is so much harder to deal with.
This is all aside from the issues that are actually caused by procrastination! It’s so common for spouses to get nervous and frustrated by the other’s pushing things off. Yes, we all need to be more patient, but we also need to stop testing the patience of those around us.
If your marriage can use help, but you aren’t yet in a crisis mode, that’s exactly the time to get help! Seeking help doesn’t mean there’s something badly wrong with you or your marriage. It means you’re dealing with things before they become intolerable or spiral out of control. If you call a gardener for maintenance, the entire process is pleasant and doesn’t cost too much money. But if you only call the gardener when your property is overgrown with weeds, you have a big job on your hands and you’re left with a large bill.
It’s better to be preemptive.
