Yet, another counsel for joy is to learn to get along with others. This will save you from much pain and hardships.
Reb Avraham Genachovsky zt'l once said to someone who recently became rosh yeshiva. "Do you know what the job of a rosh yeshiva is? His job is to swallow nails and not let it be known to anyone that he swallowed them." And he gave him a brachah that he shouldn't need to swallow too many nails. He meant to say that there will be hardships, people will give him a hard time, and he should accept and swallow the troubles. No one should know of his struggles, and he should be kind and pleasant to everyone.
He said this about being a rosh yeshiva, but the rule applies to every parent. There are things parents must swallow. Children aren't perfect; they don’t always behave as their parents want. Sometimes, parents should be mechanech, speak to them, etc. But often, the parents should just swallow and look the other way.
And it isn't solely about being a rosh yeshiva, teacher, or parent. The same lesson is needed for all relationships between people. Neighbors can be difficult, and family can be difficult. There are many nails that we need to swallow, but that is the best way.
Rebbe Aharon of Belz zt'l once stooped down to enter a taxi and commented, "If you want to go anywhere in this world, you must bend your head."
Baalei mussar tell the following parable: There was a deer whose antlers were constantly getting caught in the branches and the foliage. One day the deer decided it was time to remove all the branches. It began bucking the trees with its antlers and hind feet to clear the forest from all deterrents so it could run freely. A wise animal stood by watching and said to the deer, "Even if you work your entire life, you won't succeed in knocking down all the trees. Instead, I advise you to cut off your antlers, and then you can run through the forest unimpeded."
The nimshal is, instead of trying to improve others, change yourself. Train yourself not to let things bother you. That is a better approach than trying to train others.
Eliyahu HaNavi z'l once said to Rebbe Dovid of Lelov z'l: "When trying to place two planks side by side, and one of them has a knob jutting out, instead of cutting out the knob, make an indention in the other plank to make room for the knob." This means don’t try changing others, rather become a person with a heart that can accept other people's idiosyncrasies. Let the other person have his way, and you can run through life unhindered.
