Being cautious with your yiras Shamayim also means selecting your friends carefully. A father complained to Rebbe Aharon of Belz zt'l that his son was declining spiritually. "He used to learn very well, but lately, when I test him on his learning, he doesn’t know much. He also used to have yiras Shamayim, but there are signs of disinterest in that, too."
The Belzer Rav replied, "Check out who his friends are."
The father called the rosh yeshiva, the mashgiach, and the magid shiur, who all told him that his son only has good friends. "There are no bad bachurim in the yeshiva," they added.
The father returned to the Belzer Rav and told him what he heard. Once again, the Rav replied, "Check out his friends."
The father obliged, and this time he dug deeper. (He rebuked himself for not trusting the rebbe the first time. If the rebbe said the problem was bad friends, it was undoubtedly so.) He discovered that one boy in yeshiva appeared to have yirei Shamayim but was rotten inside. The father advised his son to keep away from that boy, which he did. Soon afterward, his son's learning and yiras Shamayim returned to being as before.
The father told the Belzer Rav about the improvement. The Rav replied, "This isn't surprising; a bad friend is hazardous. Twice in birchas hashachar we daven to be spared from bad friends: ...רע ומחבר רע מאדם ...והרחיקני רע ומחבר רע מאדם שתצילינו. This shows us just how dangerous a bad friend can be."
Someone was offered a job that didn’t involve halachic issues per se. There wouldn’t be a problem with yichud, theft, chillul Shabbos, and the like. The problem was that he'd be working among gentiles and non-religious Yidden. He asked the Chazon Ish zt'l whether he should take the job, explaining that he feared that his co-workers might influence him, and that might result in kaltkeit, coldness, and disinterest in his yiras Shamayim. The Chazon Ish replied, "Kaltkeit in yiras Shamayim is יעבור ואל יהרג."
The letters חבר, can be rearranged and read as בחר ,ברח, or חרב. The Shlah taught that if your friend is a חרב, a sword, for he is spiritually dangerous to be around, ברח run away from him. But if he is בחר, which means chosen/elite, for he has yiras Shamayim and does good deeds, then be his חבר.
Friends Indicate Who You Are
A rosh yeshiva asked a bachur, "In Shemonah Esrei we say, במהרה ותכניעם ותשפילם ותכלם ותמגר ותשבר תעקר מהרה והזדים בימינו, ‘and the resha'im should soon be uprooted, destroyed...humbled, subjugated, speedily in our days.' Most of the words are understood, but what does ותמגר mean?" The bachur replied that he didn’t know. The rosh yeshiva added, "I, too, don’t know, but I can tell by its neighbors that it isn't something good." The rosh yeshiva hinted to the bachur that one's friends indicate who he is and who he will become. Therefore, one must be extremely careful to have only good friends.
