Summer Slam
Two meshulachim (Jewish fundraisers) were knocking on doors in a Jewish neighborhood trying to raise funds for their institutions in Israel when they knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told the meshulachim in no uncertain terms that she did not want to give them any money and slammed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result – the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude meshulachim were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said: "Before you do that again you probably should move your cat."
Like a Surgeon
Morty Applebaum was laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son David, the surgeon.
Morty said, "David, think of it this way: If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."
It’s All About Chemistry
Mr. Rosenberg was a popular science teacher at King David High School because he encouraged his students to experiment on their own. But sometimes, his students took this leeway a little too far.
For example, one day Sammy Singer wanted to make some potassium hydroxide solution and he decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water.
Out of the corner of his eye, Mr. Rosenberg observed what Sammy was about to do and hurried over. After confirming this was what was intended, Mr. Rosenberg said, “First stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium.”
“Why?” asked Sammy
"Well,” replied Mr. Rosenberg, “It will give me time to get away!"
The Promised Land
During the first days of creation, God turned to the Angels and said: "I am now going to create a land called Israel. It will be a land of mountains full of snow, sparkly lakes, forests full of all kind of trees, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Israeli, and they shall be known to the most people on earth."
"But Lord," asked the Angels, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Israelis?"
"Not really," God replied, "wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them."
