Moishe's Staycation
Moishe decided that instead of going away on a vacation he would stay at home and just relax – a “staycation.” And Moishe was really taking his mandate seriously by doing as little as possible.
Moishe ignored his wife Miriam’s not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but he didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted, and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam.
The final straw came when Miriam plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened.
She looked so stricken that Moishe offered some consolation.
"That's okay, honey," Moishe said. "You still have me."
Miriam looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!"
The Fish at the Red Sea
As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain to Moses of how thirsty they were after walking so far. Unfortunately, they were not able to drink from the walls of water on either side of them, as they were made up of salt-water.
Then, a fish from that wall of water told Moses that he and his family heard the complaints of the people, but that they through their own gills could remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths like a fresh water fountain for the Israelites to drink from as they walked by.
Moses accepted this kindly fish's offer. But before the fish and his family began to help, they told Moses they had a demand. They and their descendants had to be always present at the seder meal that would be established to commemorate the Exodus, since they had a part in the story. When Moses agreed to this, he gave them their name which remains how they are known to this very day, for he said to them, "Go Filter Fish!"
The Golf Bet
Two lawyers, Jonathan and David, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jonathan offers David a bet. "Let's say we bet $50."
David agrees and they're off.
After the 8th hole, David is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. "Help me find my ball. Look over there," he said to Jonathan.
After a few minutes, neither have any luck and a lost ball carries a two stroke penalty, so David pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces.
Jonathan looks at him. "After all of the years we've been partners and playing together, you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 dollars?"
"What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!"
"And you're a liar, too!" Jonathan said. "I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!"
Window Seats
Moishe and Miriam decided to spend the summer driving through Europe. At the conclusion of their trip, at the airport check-in counter Miriam asked for window seats for both herself and Moishe. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together.
"Bubbaleh," Miriam replied, "I've just spent 4 weeks in a compact rental car with this man. I know what I'm requesting!"
